Losing, in a curious way, is winning.

[Forrest Gump]

Forrest- The conflict cycle seems to fit. She does not feel loved, so she does not give respect. He does not feel respected, so he does not give love. Am still working on how to break that cycle. thanks for all your insights and support, despite our different polarities, possibly resulting in poor solubility, I'm willing to learn.
Bridge

That was just for you.. it may not last.. I have a habit of going back to my old ways.

I have not finished my other thought's.. they will be along shortly.

I am not here to hurt you... I will talk straight to you.. I expect nothing less in return. We both will learn something.. I can guarantee that.

Remember.. I am always smiling.. when I am posting here.. sometimes more than others.

I am setting up a new template for talking to you.. I don't like it.. but I am gonna try. You feel free to respond.. any way you like.

Off we go....

his job, he is a work-aholic- continued to have priority over counseling appointments, in addition his verbal abuse and anger, which he exhibited for years was becoming worse. He was also taking physical actions to prevent me from leaving rooms when we would argue.

People.. when things are not working.. try harder. Simple fact. Think cheese less tunnels. It has to work this time. You try harder too.. you just can't see it.. just like him. You always go back to what you know.. the second you can change that and allow for something else to happen.. bingo. A circle.. has a start that is the end. Applying that to life.. when you get to the end of that circle (right back where you started from) you have to find a way to move left or right.. and start a new circle. Now.. someone has to lead.. really they do. So you posted.. you got my vote. That is all that matters. You came here.. to find a way to change things.. so be it. I personally don't suspect.. you came here for any other reason.. other than you want this M to work out.. or you are doing research.. and I am wasting my time. I will trust my gut on this one!

I have been working a full-time job that is mentally demanding, yet flexible in its hours, and pursuing a graduate degree for the past 6 years. He is a part-owner & operator of a multi-generational family-owned business. His typical work-week is 70-80 hours, with more during certain high stress times of the year.

So you two are pretty smart.. and do well in life. You also have introduced a lot of stress in your life. Add some kids.. dang.. how do you manage? Really what it boils down to is.. two very strong personalities.. that were magic at one point.. and now mix like oil and water. I call this life. Life.. Time.. and Kids.. took their toll. Now you are paying for it. We all do.. everyone posting here.

Upon the initial separation he seemed to be doing some DB techniques- "acting as if", "being my friend", but these were from articles our MC gave us initially during counseling. But he was also doing lots of non-DB things- calling at all times of the day & night, alternating between love & hate talk, making promises, then threats, etc.

It is hard for a LBS to function. Really it is. Can you feel my pain yet? I understand why you made the break.. I can't hold you at fault for it.. it was an outcome of the choices you two made together. All of this you see here (DB.com) is the result of two people.. that had NFC what to do. (We could possibly leave out MLC) Only 1/2 of those people post here. The act of WA is not the problem.. it never has been.. the problem becomes no one can really "see" what the issue is. I have long felt that the WAS is in just as much pain.. and has endured more pain than the LBS. So we can take from that.. the WAS is breaking the cycle. Thats a good thing.. and yet.. its a bad thing. Right here is the fight that is DB.com How does one LBS.. or WAS.. make things better? Neither of us know how to "Do It"... and yet.. someone feels like they have to. It's "Crazy" talk. No one understands!!

One commitment we made to each other was to try and maintain a friendship. That has been the one thing that seemed to have kept both of us in contact outside of being parents.

How does this work? Is this just not pointing out the simple fact.. that no one knows what they want? How can you be friends with someone who is WA. How can you be friends with someone who acts like a crazy fool? This.. I don't get.

I lurked because I felt like it gave me a glimpse into what I thought he might use a "play book" to get me back.I stayed because I found that WAW/H voices need to be heard on this forum and it helps me see another perspective from others I don't find as threatening as my H

So.. I think what you said was.. you came here to get prepared. You found a common thread.. people you knew.. people you could rub elbows with.. people that would agree. What you learned.. is people need to see the other side. Perspective.. plays a huge role in this little "game". On that.. we agree. 110%. It does become.. knowing what the other side is thinking. The key to it all.. is getting someone who is there.. to express what they are feeling. Just as in RL.. its hard! Almost impossible.

My current philosophy is: it is almost impossible for us to tackle the major issues of the R without more effective communications tools.

The second you think it.. someone can see it.

You do need some Snap-On quality tools. The reason I use Snap-On.. is simply because my background is automotive. There is nothing better than a Snap-On tool. They fit your hand just right.. they look great.. they have a Lifetime warranty against breakage.. and the Snap-On guy.. comes to you. Now you do pay a premium for them. Usually about 3 times what a tool normally costs. The reason they cost so much.. is because they take the time to make them right. There is that "Time" word again.. it always seems to come up.

You have to rethink where you are and what you hold close. You left all those broken tools right where you were working.. they are still there.. nobody picked them up. I suggest.. you don't use them either. Look at the tools that are on the ground "broken" and decide what new ones you need to finish the job. The Snap-On guy takes trade in's.. you just have to pick the right tool for the job. Heck.. if he thinks you are going to spend some money with him.. he may even let you try them out.

If we can tackle the issues of the R, then work on rebuilding a new R for a new M. It still is a roller coaster of a ride, we're just in different cars.

The second you WA.. "He" moves to the front.. "You" move to the back. I have always thought the back was more "Fun". How bout we get off.. stand in line.. and ride in the middle?

Now...