It seems to me that maybe his chickens are coming home to roost. He's never had to face any real consequences of his gambling before, and now he is. And he is going to blame you a long time before he blames himself!
Don't back down! (I know you know that.) I think he has got to go through this if he is going to have any chance!
I agree with everyone else--you guys are so perceptive! How are you doing today Corey? Hope today will be a good day for you, but if not be sure to vent it all out here!!! Karen
(((((Karen, Michelle, GFI, Dar, Jeff))))) Thanks to all of you for keeping up with the madness and helping through this.
I have been giving this whole thing a lot of thought and come to a couple of interesting conclusions. I think that anymore this whole situation is not so much about the Troll as it is about his just not wanting to stop gambling. I think he would rather I believe that its about her so that way he doesn't have to admit to me, let alone the kids or himself that he can't/won't stop gambling and that its more important than what is being done to our family. She is his excuse. To me, to her, but most of all...to himself. As long as he is "getting her through this" then he has the perfect excuse to continue to be addicted. She has no plans to quit so that justifies it.
Whatever, he will just have to figure it all out for himself. I got my papers signed and I'm taking them to the County Recorder's Office at lunch. He swears up and down he hasn't said anything to the Troll, but yesterday makes me wonder. The only thing that makes me think he hasn't told her, is all that would prove to her is that he doesn't trust her and thinks she is going to file with the DA. Who cares, they suck.
He was talking about A-Rod and Madonna this morning and I told him how I felt about it. I think A-Rod is a class-A piece of chit. I think he is a serial philanderer and Madonna is just an old, nasty ho. I was just saying what I thought about it and he asked if that was my round about way of hammering him and I told him if I was going to hammer him about his behavior that it certainly won't be in a round-about manner. I will come straight out with it. I sent him a text about it too and the gist of it was that I have actually a better understanding of how it can happen now because of our situation. When I had a married friend that was cheating on her husband I was much less tolerant of her reasonings/justifications than I am in my own situation. The reply I got was: I understand, if the shoe fits. I thought it was pretty interesting. I will try and post to all of you today. I have to get busy in my online class because I have to start taking my test and I have been truly slacking lately. Whod' a thunk it? Love you guys!
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Although I haven't posted in a little while, I have been reading your threads all along, including the latest. I can't add much that hasn't been addressed above. I'm not sure if your specific question is about how to best handle his boorish behavior, or if it's "what's his REAL problem/what's he thinking???".
If it's the former: you let the text conversation (or if this happens in person at other times) go on WAY too long. The first f-bomb he drops on you, you need to STOP ALL CONVERSATION and say "you do not get to talk to me that way. Please call me when you're ready to behave like a human being." PERIOD. I suspect he's done this for awhile. This is NEVER acceptable, but all the more so that he does NOT get to question you on your comings and goings now that he's having an affair!
If it's the latter: I would say it's EVERYTHING. I think it's the gambling, and I think it's the OW, and I think it's the paternity, and I think it's the divorce ... I think it's ALL that. As someone said above, this is a man (a child, really, emotionally) that is used to having his way, and is used to being rescued from the consequences of his poor decisions.
And now there's no lifeboats on the horizon anywhere.
And he's panicking.
I think he's likely going to crash, very hard, and SOON.
Not sure if that helped or not, but I'll check back on your thread here soon.
Not much else is new. I filed the proof of service and went to the recorders office and filed the interspousal transfer, so its done for now. I told him he has 60 days to file a response, a blank response form was included with the papers he was served. He asked me, "Why would I need to respond?" and all I said was, "I guess if you don't agree with them." So he hasn't even read them? I'm not out to screw him, but that shows me that he is just either too naive or too secure in his beliefs, because I could have put ANYTHING in those papers. I am now 100% confident that he will do the same with OW and boy is he in for it then. How sad.
I hope you all are right, about him crashing and burning soon because he really needs to start to get it together, hes a mess. If I didn't know any better (random drug testing) I would think he was on drugs or something. Yikes.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I saw a friend of mine tonight from football who I have told some of whats going on and when she asked me how I am, I told her that I'm ok. That I have my legal protection in place and that as much as I want H to get better and find himself again, that I have done what I can do. I will be cordial and we will find a way to co-parent our children the best way we can, but my days of trying to fix this or change it are over. The best part was, I actually meant it. For the first time, I can say it and truly believe it.
I have done everything I could do, the rest is up to him. Its going to be sad to watch H hit rock bottom, but I have no control over it and the only thing I can do for him now is pray.
Thanks guys, I couldn't have gotten here without you.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
