Isn't it ironic... don'tcha think?..

[hoosiermama]

Thanks Theo..

Yes.. I am angry as heck all of a sudden. I know that no matter what I say or do, good or bad, it's not going to change my situation. Soooo... the anger is kind of spewing out.. Oh well.. 'bout time he hears some of it.

Here's a question for any Christian out there who cares to answer.. Is the R with the OP ever not a sin? When you are D'd from your spouse and he/she continues the R with the OP, is it then ok in God's eyes? Will he then bless that R even though it started in sin?

I think I'll have a go at it, as someone working in ministry in the Catholic church, which includes getting folks started into the annulment process.

I don't mean to contradict Theo, just giving my perspective as someone dealing with this "professionally."

There are a lot of gray areas in this annulment thing. Basically a marriage case tries to prove that there were factors which prevented one or both parties from making a sacramental commitment to marriage, at the time of the marriage (i.e. a 25-year marriage with an isolated A at 25 years isn't in that category, for the most part). Usually that ends up being some sort of a psychological reason--an adult child of alcoholics, drug or alcohol use throughout courtship and marriage, a history of infidelity during courtship or in early days of marriage. Doesn't mean the persons involved are "defective," only that they lacked the discretion or judgement that might have told them they were walking into a catastrophe. I have some negative feelings about the process, but they're based on personal experience; it does seem to allow people to have some healing and move on with their lives.

In a situation in which someone had an affair which ended the marriage, that person might indeed receive an annulment depending upon factors present at the time of marriage. However, there would be conditions placed upon that person's future marrying in the Church, generally including some therapy. Especially if that person was marrying the OW, it would be very unlikely that marriage would be blessed by the Church; perhaps with some major secrecy or moving away to do so, but the annulment decision would have mentioned that possibility as an impediment. Again, I'm making it pretty black-and-white, but I have a few years of experience at this.

Those are the "legalities." I try hard not to label something that another person is doing as a sin, because there are factors I wouldn't know and my opinion on that really doesn't matter. Having said that, however, and being in the middle of such a mess myself, I would have to agree that God would be unlikely to bless a R that began in sin and--as such--caused a lot of pain to innocent parties.

Just as an ironic aside, here's my sitch: H is a hospital chaplain and teacher of chaplains, in the introductory stages of pursuing Episcopal priesthood. However, 2 months ago he left me and D12 to pursue a R with a girlfriend from 22 years earlier. He sees nothing inconsistent in all of that. I gotta believe, however, that God probably does.