Guys, would you break off this relationship -

[Kimmie Lee]

I am a woman, and I would see this as a red flag. Have we learned nothing? Women are notorious for hinting around. Let her deal with her own money issues.

[BethM]

Hi Kimmie!

Scooter's posting date is '03, which hopefully he has learned something by now. By now there has probably been at least 1 other relationship and a LOT of healing. Maybe if he hadn't been on his own for as long as he has I might have been more concerned myself, but certainly after being on our own for a few years, we should be able to see things a whole lot clearer.

I would just really like to know what made him post this? Maybe there's something more to the story.

Love,
bethie

[KarenMarieS]

Hi Scooter
Like Bethie said people who are happy and healthy in their own skin do not look at others as a paycheck nor do they judge based on income or lack of.

I'm not saying dont be aware, believe me I have a son, I do talk to him about these things, hopefully one day he will be a successful lawyer and I hope he would know if a woman was "after him" for that.

Since you've been together 6 months she may just feel comfortable venting to you, she may think of you as somewhat of her partner, not sure what your R is like. Women tend to feel more comfortable venting and talking things out sooner I do believe then men.

I was a SAHM for 15yrs. to some on this board I am sure that is looked down on, although it was both my ex and my decision and in fact more so his. When I started dating, I never considered what a man did for a living, I dated truck drivers, acct. salesmen, even a nice man inbetween jobs, never did I think , oh he can support me. I support myself, as I am sure your lady friend does and is proud of that fact.
You know my bf B yes makes more then I do, but he tells me I offer more to the R then he could ask, an ear, a shoulder, support, love, home cooked meal once in a while.
What I am saying is, its not always about the money- she may just be venting ,I know that one too well! and I would hope when I do, no one would believe its hinting, but thats me.
JMHO

Go w/ your gut and good luck.

[Kimmie Lee]

Hi Bethie! Always great to see you.

I look forward to learning and healing a lot in the next five years.

[pat44]

People who are healthy don't look at a person as a paycheck,

That is very true. There are two LBS women that use to post on this BB that accepted the child support but declined alimony from their H's even though they were entitled to it by law.

My mother was a stay at home W for 20 something years. Even though she was a WAS - she declined alimony from my father. She had the education but lacked experience. She started from minimum wage and worked her way up - and bought her own townhouse. My siblings and I were over 18 - so no child support. My father had saved up for our college and our first car years ago - and my mother didn't go for ha1f of that money.

My siblings and I were very lucky that both of our parents put our financial needs way ahead of their own.

take care,
AG

[Briget]

From someone who is struggling with money I will say that I don't want a man to take care of me.But if he invites me somewhere I can't afford and I can't go I would be mad if he didn't understand.

I dated a guy (remember suitcase man?) who thought I wanted his money.He had about as much as me.I would sometimes complain when things were really hard.I didn't want his money.But he thought so.Even asked me if I was hinting for him to give me some.

That guy is gone.I take care of myself the best I can.I'm kind of proud of it.

If she isn't gold digging and you think she is and ask her about it you risk her dropping you.I did.

Just becasue I'm poor doesn't mean I want some man to take care of me.I'll get there on day and I want to know that it is all mine.

Later Friend
Briget

[BethM]

Ok well, I have absolutely no idea what the discussion of marriage, alimony or child support has to do with the question that was asked, but I'll answer for all of us lowlfe LBS in longterm marriages, with 2.5 children that decided that we were entitled to alimony.

First off, I believe that when someone walks away from their marriage the only decent thing to do is to NOT take alimony. For the rest of us who didn't break our vows or our partnership, there was most likely an agreement as to how the marriage was supposed to function. I realize that I am one of the lucky ones. I have a very good job, but does that mean it's ever going to be salary wise where it would have been if I had not stayed home with my children for 20 years? As anyone with children knows, child support covers the bare minimum. Why would I not accept what I helped build for 20 years and would continue to help build if ex hadn't made the choices he had. Why would I make my children pay for those choices? Could I afford the extras that my children had become accustom to if I hadn't taken alimony? No I couldn't, and why should my kids have to pay for the choices of a former hands on Dad that happened to go off the deep end?

Unless you have kids and a longterm marriage you weren't presented with the same rights under the law that I was entitled to, so what you would or wouldn't do is a moot point.

[pat44]

Briget:

If I recall correctly, you are raising kids with no alimony and no child support. And you are managing D13 and a pregnant D with all sorts of abuse related issues. And you have a son that graduated from welding school. And I am sorry but I can't remember what your other son does.

And you do it with such a positive attitude.

I have a phenomimal amount of respect for you and how you manage your life. I started out with a relatively easier life b/c I really was not on my own till after my parents paid for my engineering degree.

My assistant reminds me a lot of your attitude. She supported her H and daughter while being pregnant - while her H was out of work. She is a high school graduate, only 28, and is head and shoulder above any assistant I have ever worked with. She has that same gritty determination.

I remember suitcase man. I am glad that he is gone.

take care,
AG

[Lissie]

Since you've been together 6 months she may just feel comfortable venting to you, she may think of you as somewhat of her partner, not sure what your R is like. Women tend to feel more comfortable venting and talking things out sooner I do believe then men.

This is the way I see it too.

No harm in keeping your eyes open.

I am not of the party of women that look at what the man makes, I make my own money, and can stand on my own 2 feet. I can take care of my own 2 children myself.

So the pay check factor is not my number 1 priority. I think that she just may be venting. As Bethie stated listen to your heart and gut.

That is very true. There are two LBS women that use to post on this BB that accepted the child support but declined alimony from their H's even though they were entitled to it by law.

And why was this brought up?


Alimony, if you are lucky enough to have it granted, then by all means I see nothing wrong with using it.

That doesn't make any person less of a person, or mark them as unable to make it on their own 2 feet.

These type of systems are in place for a reason. I was raised by very old school parents, that came to this country with zero.

My father of all people said don't you dare feel guilty for accepting what the courts say you are entitled to.


If, additionally, a woman has left her career to care for her family, she is at a distinct disadvantage financially... she will probably not catch up to where she would be if she had never married and had children... Alimony seeks to compensate her and more so their children for the sacrifices she made...

ooops forgot to put my Shanon!

Ok need a drink now.

[KarenMarieS]

I'll join you in that drink Lissie
and you are 100% correct.

Some of us chose to stay home w/ our children, it was a choice between us as parents. I at one point made more then my ex, I had been at my job much longer while he was finishing college- when our S was 5 we decided I would stay home. I was happy either way, staying home or cont. work as I loved my job.

Fast forward when ex left, I have found it very hard to get back in there, a lot changed in those years-
I remember talking to my S and wondering if I had made a big mistake staying home all those years, being there for him, being team mom, helping at school etc. He said he felt bad for my sit now as a result of what his father had done but he, for one is very proud and happy I was home for him, he knows he was lucky that I was able to do so. That made it worthwhile.

This has gone way off poor Scooters original question lol
but I cant abide reading replies from people who really have no clue and have not walked in someones shoes.