Deep down I know my value, but when the one person who promised to love you turns his back on you it creates a teensy bit of reasonable doubt. I'm determined to stay strong. I don't know what I would do without all of you to help me through this. While at lunch with my friend yesterday, I told him about this site and the amazing, wise, gifted people I've come to know. He said he sure could've used it last year when he was going through the demise of his 17 year relationship.
I have read and will re-read your advice so I stay strong. I feel strong. I feel empowered. I wish I wouldn't have sent him that nice text, but I wanted to take the high road and show him that I am OK. Mistake. But I won't dwell on it.
Last night I found a journal entry I wrote on July 27, 2006: J and I are coming up on our 2nd anniversary. Things have been shakey and I'm wondering if we should seek the advice of a counselor. I know I'm not perfect, but I'm feeling like he can't stand to be around me. I've searched long and hard for what it is I could be doing that's so annoying or unenjoyable and I simply can't figure it out. OK, maybe I talk a little during the news, but it's not like the news doesn't replay the same damn story about 50 billion times. I just don't get it... There's definitely a communication breakdown happening and a lack of "closure" on a few situations. Marriage is hard work, but lately I feel like the only one willing to invest.
I am soooooo ready to move on to the next phase in my life.
He tried to initiate sex again last night. I told him to stop. I am divorcing him and there will be no more sex. There will be no more wife things from me. No more dinners. No more nothing. He simply said, "OK". He's the epitome of Sel-WHALE.
I have a doctor's appointment in an hour, will schedule an emergency C session ASAP and will talk to some lawyers. Time to take control of my future.
I love you guys.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
On a lighter not, I am working up to using the word twerpled in everyday conversation. I'm thinking it might apply to a well hit golf shot.... "I really twerpled that one!"
On a lighter not, I am working up to using the word twerpled in everyday conversation. I'm thinking it might apply to a well hit golf shot.... "I really twerpled that one!"
Ohhh, I LOVE it! Maybe if enough people can apply it to everyday conversation, we can get it added to the Merriem-Webster dictionary!!!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Girl - Very interesting that your journal entry from 2 years ago pretty much expresses the same "lost" husband feeling.
I think you are going to do just fine by taking control. Just be ready for some bumps in the road. First of all, you have the long wait in California. And you must ready yourself for the possibility that OW and your H may now be free to pursue a more serious R with each other. I know that working with them is going to be tough emotionally - that is probably the main reason company's have nepotism policies.
I've prepared myself that she may move in to my home after I leave. Her soon to be ex told me last week that she plans on being out of their place by September 1. Even if h and Ow live as "roommates" it won't be something I'm thrilled about, but I cannot control what they do. I can only live my life with integrity and know I will be better off without either of them in my life.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Ms.imp, You sound strong and centered after having made a very difficult decision. I hope the next chapter of your life brings much peace and happiness. You are a supreme example of someone who has lived through a difficult and distant relationship and are emerging like a phoenix from the ashes.
Me: 59 H: 59 Together: 28 years Married: 25 years in August "There may be someone else" 12/26/07 H signed a one year lease 4/1/08 H moved out 5/11/08 H beginning to show a tiny amount of interest 7/5/08 Is it possible that he is courting me? 9/30/08
I am so sorry to read your news, but I'm so glad to hear the strength and determination in your posts. You realize what a wonderful woman you are and finding your self worth will be a gift that no one can take from you. You will flourish in all things you do because of the absolute gem of a person you are. If your emotionally stunted,f*cktard of a DAH can't see that...then my description is more than accurate. FWIW, if he is more worried about how it looked that you took him aside and told him how he made you feel, than how he made you feel then he is the one with the problem. I have always held out the hope that your H would not continue to let his pride ruin your R, but for now that seems to be the case. Maybe the next couple of months will bring some clarity and good for you on the stopping his advances and laying it on the line. Boundaries are good and you seem to be doing well at setting them.
I would go and have a consultation with an attorney just to do the same thing I did. Find out what you can/should expect according to the laws of Cali. If this is to be a business transaction, then treat it as such and arm yourself with the information that you need to make the best decisions for yourself.
Love you R...anything you need, I'm here for you.
(((((hugs))))) Corey
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Ms.imp, You sound strong and centered after having made a very difficult decision. I hope the next chapter of your life brings much peace and happiness. You are a supreme example of someone who has lived through a difficult and distant relationship and are emerging like a phoenix from the ashes.
Wow. Thank you. I'm probably going to print these posts and keep them nearby when I need a boost. I've had a couple roller coaster emotions today. Thank you, ISH!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
FWIW, if he is more worried about how it looked that you took him aside and told him how he made you feel, than how he made you feel then he is the one with the problem.
That was worth more than you could possibly know. I wish I had been able to come back with that when he said he can't trust me. I was expecting him to tell me he can't trust me because I snooped at his phone... I was NOT expecting this load of bull.
Thanks Sugar. We'll have to meet up soon. HUGS!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
