Another one joins the flock (Part II)

[Mike85]

Back from counseling (with a side shopping trip thrown in).

Counselor was impressed by both my new job and increased social life. She touched on how I said that I was happy to be with friends that I hadn't seen in years (because wife didn't care for the "rustic" nature of the parties) and pointed out that I had sacrificed things for my wife that made me happy in the past. She was right. It felt good to reclaim some of what I gave up, and I've decided that I will keep those aspects of my life even if we reconcile.

She asked me WHY I made the changes I did, probably trying to see if I made them for me or to just prove something to my wife. I told her that honestly, I didn't want to sit at home and pine away, so I reached out to fill my time and my life. Ultimately, I realized, I did these things for me.

The counselor also asked the hard questions: "How long are you willing to wait for her?" "How will you know when you've had enough?" "Have you thought about what you will do IF she decides not to return?" She didn't expect me to answer them right then, but said that I seriously needed to think about those issues. She supports and encourages my DB efforts, but she pointed out that my wife is a variable that I cannot control or even predict right now.

I said that, for right now, I'm living my life (GAL!), spending great time with my children, valuing time with friends and family, and trying to be patient as wife works her way through her issues. I said that I keep reminding myself that I/we am/are SO early in the process, and that patience is key right now. But I also said -for the first time out loud- that I realize that I could live without my wife and that I know that I would move on, fall in love again, etc. It was weird to finally say it out loud. I love her and want her back...but I don't truly "need" her and my life won't fall apart without her. I do love her and want her back, but she has to be willing to work on our relationship. I don't know how long I'll wait. I really don't. I just know that I'm willing, right now, to be her friend, give her the support she needs, and work toward repairing our marriage.