Still chuggin along

[Tink]

Hey Scott and Ted,

Most of your feelings are similar to mine. Those thoughts come and go on a daily basis. I know I want to fix our R although I know its probably going to be hard for me to get past the OM, but I at least want to try.

Tink,

You are so right. I think through this whole thing my W thought I would just wait for her. But now through GAL (me going out, her finding out about OW, me working out) she has her doubts. I think this explains all the contact from her now, phone convos, hanging out and talking ,etc. With my kinda "as if" attitude she's a little taken back. I do think my GAL is taking its toll on how she thought it would be.

Now just waiting til the school year when I jump into Abby's life full force. I'm can't wait to help my little girl with her HOMEWORK!

Hi Abby's Dad,

I'm glad your GAL is making her come around! Even more importantly I'm glad it's given you your self-dignity back!

Tink

[Tink]

Ted,

Seems she is using the control she has over you. You need to
let that go. My W tried the same crap. Then came a day when I
just said to myself NO MORE!

Don't let her control your mood at all.

- Scott

Yes it's a passive-agressive control thing it seems.

[Tink]

Believe me whan I say this Tink, I am no longer her doormat and I pointed this out to her. I won't just take her back at whim!! If she ever decides that maybe she wants to give us a try, well then she has alot to prove to ME!! I am tired of taking everyones s^&% because I used to be the type of person who was afraid to speak up because I did not want to hurt anyone's feelings...NO MORE!! Nice guys always finish last and I am tired of coming in last. I personally don't care one way or the other anymore, not saying I don't love my W, but am prepared either way. It will be hard knowing if she does get the D that it is a forever comittment so to speak.

I will be around as a friend but not readily available. I feel I am entitled to help her out on the DUI because it happened while we were still married, maybe I am wrong here?

I would love it if our R did work out, it would take an awful lot of work from BOTH of us, but that is nowhere near so I am not worried about that.
Ted

Hi Ted,

Good but yes I don't agree and think you shouldn't help her out with her DUI. Not only did she do it herself but perhaps it happened while you were married to her but not while she was married to you.

Tink

[Tink]

All she kept saying was that she is done and she does not want to try anymore, and if we were meant to be together then it will happen buit she would not marry me again?!?

Ted

That just shows that she is too confident that she thinks she can 1. have you back anytime she wants and 2. even has the option of you marrying her again (how else can she turn it down right NOW?)


She needs to be taken down a peg or two. If it hasn't come up yet, don't help her with her DUI case. Let her see what life is like without old faithful.

Tink

[jandn]

I remember reading about the DUI stuff but never posted. My W came close to getting one a couple months after she filed and it was on hold. Got 3 tickets instead. Being me I would probably have helped her out thinking it would be the turning point and bring us back. Would have been made out to be this person, like I probably already am, if I didnt help her. But yes, Tink sums it up pretty good. She cant have her cake and eat it too.

I can relate of being nice and finishing last and not wanting to hurt anybodys feeling. You only hurt yourself though huh?

[Scott123]

I'm with Tink on this one. Same for my W. I cut her
off now totally. I don't talk to her, I don't text
her, don't email, don't offer her anything. I pretty
much act as if 100% of the time. She is not in any
of my future plans.

She wants a divorce... well I'm not going to be around at
her beck and call if we are divorced so I'm giving her
a taste of it now. Although, I'm not doing it for her, I'm
doing it for me. I just got so fed up with her BS and
other mental games that I just decided I'm not participating
anymore. She can wallow around in the misery she caused.
If she comes around some time in the future well maybe I'll
consider working on what we had, but the way it is going
now I doubt it.

I'm pretty much acting as if I'm already divorced since
that's where its headed anyway. I don't have the energy
or the interest in fighting this every day so I'm done.

I think you might want to try being more firm to your W. Show
her that you will not let her take advantage of you at all.

- Scott

[jandn]

To me it seems, just as in the M we realize too late what we could have done better, that we should cut contact a lot sooner than we do. We are the LBS but we still think if we keep talking and saying this or that, that its going to work out. I wish in my case I would have cut ties a lot sooner and especially harder when you have children and seemed to be controlled by them from W.

[jonzy]

Hey thanks for the posts everyone. I guess I should have read them this morning but had to rush off to work. My wife called me up at work and wanted to know if my offer still stood about being there for her. I said sure what do you need? She asked if I would come to court with her because she was scared. Worked out fine because our network was down at work and I had just sat around for 4 hours before the boss told us to go home. So I told the wife I would meet her there. Everything was fine she was nervous as heck and we just talked and tried to get her through it.

She does have to spend 48 hours in jail which is no biggie I told her, I spent 30 days and it was a cake walk, just tried to reassure her everything was fine and it is not the end of the world. After court I took her out to eat and then said goodbye, nothing to major but I felt good about being there for her, not to help out sitch but being there as a friend! Hopefully this was not a bad thing to do? But I do know she was somewhat relieved that I was there with her.

[Scott123]

I could be wrong and don't take this the wrong way but I think
she just used you for support and nothing more. She needed
someone to be there with her and you were that someone.

Well see how her actions are after this and after the jail
time though which should give you some better insight into
her real intentions.

Maybe the jail time will wake her up a bit. She'll be alone
with a lot of hours to dwell on her sitch.

I would not read into it at all though and just consider
it helping a friend and nothing more.

- Scott

[jonzy]

That is exactly how I am looking at it, helping a fiend. I know she is still heading towards the D full steam ahead.