Very good advice. Must admit my W has always remained quite open but "normally' she is very open so i suppose it's just a matter of levels.
Totally agree with the wall idea. Mine went down as soon as the bomb was dropped
Just after i read your mail i got a call from my son and then W got on the phone (I'm trying to avoid talking to her for a while just to get myself together a bit).
She had been on a course about control and power in relationships and spent 20 minutes speaking about our relationship (past tense). The first time in 2 months she has brought up relationship and the first time ever i just let her speak and just validated her points. 180 for me cos normally i do more than 50% of the talking which i know is wrong.
I had already seen a control wheel and knew what my behaviour had been like. I sincerely apologised (with tears) for my actions as i am truly sorry. She says she has forgiven me but not forgotten
W also made the point she knew now that she had to stand up more for what she wanted with friends and in relationships.
A new comment was she had given so much of herself to me and the kids she felt like she had lost herself.
W said she spent a lot of time thinking about me while away and on a few occaisions knew i was going to call (to speak to S) just before the phone rang.
She gives the feeling that she is trying to undermine in her eyes the changes that i have made. She has always seems resistant to fully accept them.
W defineately going through the relationship and pulling out all the worst moments
Yeah we value R more than marriage but my wife has still used every excuse to validate OM. Not sure what will happen there but completely agree with your comments. Without him our chances of reconcilling would be so much higher.
Strange WAW because she never tried to change the bad parts of our M (her words) and has remained fairly emotionally open. That might be because she has completely given up and sees no point having walls around something which is already gone. Don't know
W also mentioned getting property sorted out.
W still gives feeling our R is absolutely over - even intimated me getting another woman perhaps to help pay the mortgage on the house.
Reasonably sure that at the end of the conversation she very nearly said i love you" but held back.
Working on that want her not need her thing and getting my life together.
