Confused and Bewildered

[7 Year Itch]

OK, I"m really going to try to get this DB thing down. I'm a slow learner what can I say.

well, I really clicked with the new T today! And get this..... he is VERY familiar with DB and Michelle's teachings etc, and totally thinks they are very valid, and a good thing for me to continue trying.

He gave me a task. At those times I'm feeling vulnerable, or overly sad and emotional about it all, and I want to talk to H, he wants me to journal about it. He wants me to do this each time so we can start to figure out the "triggers" of what changes my moods etc.

He TOTALLY got the depression thing with me, he really got everythign. And not in a "I will blindly validate everything you say" sort of way, but in a way that really made me feel like I actually DO have a brain, and I'm not a bad person.

He basically told me to continue with the 180's, and that I should set some boundaries with H. That I'll feel better about things, and it will send a message of strength to H. He said regarding sex since it was a 180 for me, that it was up to me on whether or not I should continue that with H or not. He just suggested that I don't do it EACH time H initiates. Don't turn him down a lot ,but keep him guessing ,shake it up a bit. So if that ever comes up again ,I'll see if I'm strong enough to do that.

So I don't see him for 2 more weeks (he was WAY booked up, and it took me over a month to finally get in with him) but after my next visit he's got me on Mondays on a regular basis, so that will be good. We really clicked.

And I actually left there feeling hopeful, instead of like the last C where I actually left just feeling spent and exhausted, and hopeless.

So we'll see.

He's here right now visiting the girls. D2 is napping right now, and he and D6 are downstairs watching a movie. They are visiting here today because the girls are in VBS this week ,so I have to leave with them to take them there this evening. They are in it until Wed. so since it's at night, and he works, he won't be out again until Thursday.

Going to try to focus more on the job hunt, and TRY really really hard to detach more from him right now. Not in a going dark sort of way, but I just need to try not to think about this 24/7. C today said what many on here have said.......... it doesn't matter what he says,..... he's been saying he's going to file "soon or tomorrow" for over a month, yet he hasn't. So I can't just sit in fear waiting for it. I have to take control.

So I"m going to try more.

I did get a couple new pretty bras that H saw when I came home (while I was unpacking the bag) after my C appt. With all the weightloss, I'm on fumes with clothes, and everything is huge. But bras, well they are one thing that sort of HAVE to fit! LOL

Chris