Really upside down #2

[upside_downer]

I can't because I know exactly where it will lead. She went with cousin's H and the group that I USED to be invited to join. I am no longer invited, but sorely miss the group.

I know I can't initiate because there is another sitch going on. Cousin's H and I haven't talked since our blowout which I wrote about on my past threads. He won't speak to me for the last 4 months. I bought him a little gift because he is a collector of Superman stuff and I found this great little store while up in Toronto. I texted him to tell him I got him something and he actually responded. I was happy. Thought he would be willing to let me extend the olive branch.

I texted him yesterday to ask if Wed. worked for us to meet for me to give to him and he didn't respond (unlike him). I saw his feelings to W about the sitch. He thinks I'm "up to something"

Yeah, it's called trying to repair a friendship.

[Bridgestone]

Hi UD
Thanks for stopping by my thread today. I hope your repairing friendships goes well. Losing friends who chose sides is hard, doubly so when they take others with them who claim to be 'neutral'.

My S was so wise when he found me crying over some of my 'friends' last xmas.

"Now is when you find out who likes you for you, and who likes you for the music & food you bring to parties. Not every friend is cut out to be the first kind."


yep.. guess so, thanks S.

But dang I bring good tunes to parties!

Hope you day is good!
Bridge

[upside_downer]

Thanks Bridgestone. I agree with what you said about finding out where they stand. Unfortunately, I already know. This is my W's cousin and cousin's H. Her two closest people in her life (closer than I ever was).

Update: I did a good thing. I sent W a note asking how she liked Batman. I said "IDid you enjoy Batman? I thought it rocked. We had a whole row of kiddies in front of us, though, that talked the entire time!"

She responded "yeah, it was really good. Didn't get home till after midnight, but it was worth it!"

I was hoping for more. W has a way of being totally dry, and not caring in her email. Sometimes you could ask her a big, long question, expecting that most people would give more than a one-word answer, but not her. She'll simply say "yep"

Sheesh....so much for continuing a casual conversation. She can certainly take the time to write cousin's H a million word emails, but not me. I know why, though. It's cuz I stress her out.

Goal for now: Don't be tempted to respond and ask questions, or add pressure. Just leave it be.

[pisces9]

Good goal for now and dont read into the email/ etxt communicaion too much- that is hard to decipher...esp if she is already a bit non emotional!

and baby steps- she did reply ....that is good!

patience my friend- i truly understand how you feel ...

[Continuing]

She responded "yeah, it was really good. Didn't get home till after midnight, but it was worth it!"

Hey man, sounds like a friendly response to me. and it wasn't a one word answer, either.

By the way, don't talk about batman anymore, I haven't seen it yet!! haha

[Tink]

I hate to admit, but part of me does because I'm waiting for her to have a shred of honesty with me ...

Yeah but isn't the truth that you are the one who has problems with honesty? That while you have been accusing her of cheating, not only now, but during the marriage, even though there has never been any evidence, you have been and during the marriage were reading her emails and phone bills?

Even today...

"I texted him yesterday to ask if Wed. worked for us to meet for me to give to him and he didn't respond (unlike him). I saw his feelings to W about the sitch. He thinks I'm "up to something""

This is why I rarely post because I just keeping posting the same thing. You are the only one you can work on and you really don't care about doing that, just about controlling her.

Tink

[upside_downer]

I hate to admit, but part of me does because I'm waiting for her to have a shred of honesty with me ...

Yeah but isn't the truth that you are the one who has problems with honesty? That while you have been accusing her of cheating, not only now, but during the marriage, even though there has never been any evidence, you have been and during the marriage were reading her emails and phone bills?

Even today...

"I texted him yesterday to ask if Wed. worked for us to meet for me to give to him and he didn't respond (unlike him). I saw his feelings to W about the sitch. He thinks I'm "up to something""

This is why I rarely post because I just keeping posting the same thing. You are the only one you can work on and you really don't care about doing that, just about controlling her.

Tink

I'll put this bluntly. I was cheated on twice by my XW. I almost died because of the pain and suffering I endured while she dragged me through "i'm not sure what I want to do." Turns out, she was just buying time while she made plans to buy a house and move in with my former friend.

I refuse to be lead again like that. Especially with the suspect of another person entering the picture.

And yes, I am the one who has a problem with honesty.....getting it. I've given her, and will continue to give her the opportunity to be honest about what is going on, but she won't because she is afraid of my reaction.

[Neilh23]

what reason do you think she's afraid of your reaction? Have you given her anything to fear in your reactions before?

what has worked in the past............

[upside_downer]

what reason do you think she's afraid of your reaction? Have you given her anything to fear in your reactions before?

what has worked in the past............

She has told me she doesn't want to hurt anyone. She said she wants there to be something.

Everyone I talk to says she is trying to find a way to get out of this without looking like the bad guy because it's so soon after getting married.

I'm trying not to agree with that sentiment, but I don't understand how a person can walk away, and say "we are just too different" when all it takes is understanding on HOW to communicate.

I'm certainly trying. I have not seen her efforts yet, and I'm looking high and low for them.

I'm sorry if I was blunt. I don't like to admit that I almost died because of my X, and it's difficult when someone is standing there blaming me for all of this.

[upside_downer]

I gotta drop this rope. Called W. Started off with every intention to just keep it simple and stress free. Failed miserably.

I'm wasting my time trying to explain anything as if she will see it any other way. I've been stupid to repeat the same old same old.

I'm going dark. She said "you can't even call to just say hi" I said "I try to do that over email during the day and get 1 word responses...blah blah blah she tries to act like she doesn't talk to anyone like that except people she doesn't see often. yeah well, she sees cousin all the time and yet still has time to write paragraphs while she is sending me 1 word.

Whatever. Rope is dropped. I can't obsess over this anymore.

Let her get numbers and be hit on. Nothing I can do.

Let her initiate calls. I only screw them up.