Sending positive vibes to my H!

[pisces9]

UD-
The analogy that hlped me the most was from the DR book by michelle- she states that the FIX IT ADDICTS do everything for the M and break the see saw. this doesnt allow the other peron to see that they need to do anyting or even allows them space to do anything. The see saw cant move. once you give up trying to fix it, the see saw begins to move in the other direction.

the fact that your W has told you this point blank is very clear. DO IT.

another thing was GAL! serisouly- get out and do things you have always wanted to do, parks, museums, religion, sports, gym, crafts, food, whatever it is..try it. push yourself as hard as it is..i know how hard it is.

let them come to you more- let them lead their own life.

you can do this!

[pisces9]

ps. JWS thanks for help with the sig..now it made me shorten it and take away all my info? any ideas?

[JenInVen]

I'll jump in here...go to tiny url they'll shrink your long link down to an itty bitty link. Thats how I get 5 threads in my sig line.

GL it's very easy

[JCJ]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=167405&page=1#Post167405

You could look here for instructions too. It's quite useful.

[JenInVen]

PS I hope the "action" in the hot tub is rewarding (wink wink)

[JWS]

The signature only allows for 255 characters so you have to get creative, I could only put the current thread on there for the same reason.

I think what you said about living your life and letting them come to you is spot on!!

[JenInVen]

JWS... the TinyUrl website lets you shrink long links.

[pisces9]

Thanks JCJ and JWS! im all teched out now- with tiny url's and everything!

i am excited for tonight...hot tub time may or may not happen..either way it will be a good, postive interaction

[JenInVen]

Your sigs looking good!

Keep up the good work P! I wish I had a hot tub though.

[TwinDad]

TD- so true- we did end up in the hot tub and that was the last thing on my mind...so funny how that works. so i will just be calm, cool and collected...should i invite him after dinner to the hot tub again? im sure it will be fine- all of our interactions have been 100% positive ( from my pov!)

Did you invite him in the last time...if so then yes if it feels right to you...don't force it. Either way you know you ladies are in complete control of that part of the R.....since the dawn ot time...lol

TD- i was looking at your posts- when and how did your W say she wanted to come home? is this something i leave totally to him to say?

When we split she bought a house and I just rented, so I actually came home even though I was the LBS. It was after a week her not having the kids, she spent the weekend with us and then had to go home. She called me shortly there after and had this conversation

W - I forgot to pick up wine (it was sunday and we always drank wine on sunday night)
Me - Were you going to drink it alone
W - No
Me - I guess you would like me to come over there and bring wine
W - You might as well move back in, all men are a-holes, at least I know you and you are the father of my children

(I could think of no better response than to say....)
Me - Yeah you are right (DB validation...lol), besides all women are b!tches and at least I know you and you are th emother of my children.

Not exactly a ringing endorsement...but progress lol. I moved back in about 2 days lates, but respected her space by still taking it slowly. I stayed there and only moved a few things at a time. It has been about 8 weeks and the moves are coming to bring the furniture this week (in the garage for a garage sale).

You are doing great...you have a pretty good grip on what is going through your H's head...he has also been very open. If he seems awkward, give him space, if he seems calm and "normal" advance a little or stay where you are. I am confident you will do great tonight!

Best Wishes!!!