The continuing story of the Lake Erie Shore

[Continuing]

it's so damn frustrating

I know...I know. Regardless of what anyone says you both are ALLOWED to feel whatever it is you are feelings. I don't think there are any 'shoulds' at this point; you SHOULD be thinking rationaly, you SHOULD be happy, you SHOULDN'T be angry, etc.
Furthermore I think you NEED to experience these emotions as they come up for you to truely understand your side of things and ultimately who you are.

How you interact with your wife is a different matter. I think there are some 'should's' there if your goal is to perserve the relationship.

Don't make an enemy of yourself; be a friend to yourself, allow yourself just to be. You have given alot of grace to your wife through all of this, give some to yourself.