Stop focusing on her. Stop focusing on what she did. You are in this. You are the one here. It doesn't matter how you met or what happened. Yes it does provide answers, but that is not the focus. Yes I agree meeting in an infidelity situation will create a pattern. She may have continued that pattern. You can't not control that. You can only control you. You also can not focus on the fact that may what she was doing. Who cares if the guys are still in town. If you dwell on that information you are only going to make yourself worse.
Focus on you.
It sounds like it took her two years from what you wrote to plan this out. She was going to push you into the situation by provoking you. Then she can justify her actions. Well he told me to get out of the house. Which was just your anger talking.
Focus on you changing to become the better person. What you are doing is good. Anger management, etc...
What else? A common theme is when you point a finger you have four pointing back at you.
