My darling called a little while ago and she let me know that she has been checking on the IRS website to see when our check will be arriving. I then told her that I had received the pre-notice stating that the check should arrive by tomorrow. She was very mildly bothered by the fact that I had not let her know about it prior to this. I told her that I was planning on it but that I would certainly have let jer know if the actual check had shown up. I told her that I do not withold things from her, that the pre-notice didn't mean much anyway.
I will be calling my darling back soon. I just checked my P.O. box and the check has not arrived yet. The earlier convo w/ her was interesting. When I asked her how she was doing today, she hesitated then said ok. So I told her that she didn't sound very convincing. She then went on to tell me that she is trying to better understand why it is that she always makes decisions that leave her in such terrible situations. I listened for a bit and simply said that I understood what she was saying and that whenever she might want to talk more about it that I would be willing to listen. Then she re-checked when I would be moving to my new place. Once I told her she said that she would be willing to help me move my stuff since I have been so helpful to her all along.
Well, first. I want to say that it is very important to be positive no matter what is happening. Our words are very powerful, and even though I mentioned her possible stepping back after the money, I only did so to make sure your expectations are in check.
I still think that there is a little of that happening again. You being irritated about the bank issue. just a little symptom IMHO. and then about the secretiveness.
On that one, I'm not sure what you should do either. A lot of times when their is an A going on, the spouse can end up being the like the A. So, it's not totally surprising to me, but I still wonder what your response should be. I'm thinking, nothing. I wouldn't act secretive, but I wouldn't be blabbing about your R like your proud or showing it off.
On the living arrangements. Again, I don't believe that you should let her stay. I would suggest that even if she asks to stay that you should ask her what her motives are..in a round about way. Because you know the answer won't be "to build our R again" although that would be wonderful, I really believe it is way too soon for her to be feeling this way, especially if your secretivity thing is correct. So, it's more of a security/financial issue that she would be doing it, and I really think you'd be putting yourself in a position of expectations. I also think that letting her move in is another way of enabling her which you've already done much to help her previously, correct? She also needs to feel the consequences of her actions, and although we need to continue being their friend, God doesn't always give us what we want/need WHEN we want and need them. If we are always handed things whenever we are in need, then sometimes it does not allow for us to grow.
Does that make sense? If the problem were reversed, and she hadn't moved out, and she was still living with you, then I would probably tell you not to kick her out, and that if you could handle the emotional ride, for you to keep her there because then YOU are her influence, and not the world. However, for some reason I feel that if a person already is moved out, and unless they are wanting to reconcile, I don't think it is wise for them to let them move back in.
hope that makes sense.
Just try not to let her actions affect you. That is SOOOOO important. She WILL irritate you, and she WILL disappoint you, but don't let it. It's just the enemy trying to ruin your success.
It is really wonderful to hear the physical connection you guys are having. Having that chance, can help the bond grow a little more.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Where are you? What's happening? I am praying for you and miss your support.
SMW
Hi SMW
Thanks for all the hugs. They are really needed right now. So I guess I am "back by popular demand".
After some good exchanges of convos throughout the w/e, things took a very unfortunate turn last night. She returned a VM I had left. She through another "favor request" at me. I had to politely deny that particular one which got her a little despondent. Then she asked if we could meet on Monday night and she made sure to remind me to bring the IRS stimulus check. She started treating that issue as an entitlement and not a favor that I was doing for her. She even said that she was entitled to the $ and that I could not do anything with the check without her sig. So, I then said that we needed to discuss things futher about the specifics of her borrowing from me ...how much, and that it was only to be used for the purpose that she mentioned which is for her own apartment. She got very defensive after I brought this up and kept saying that now I was changing y tune and was renegging on the help I pledged to offer her. I told her that this was not true at all and that I was still willing to offer help. Then she said that if I thought that I was going to be able to control her like this that I could just forget it because that was not going to happen. And she said more about how I would be breaking the law if I tried signing her name on the IRS check. At this point I could not hold on to the issue that had been slowly burning inside me. I spilled my guts and said that she should not be scolding me about breaking the law as she has been taking $ out of my personal acct to pay her creditors. She attempted to defend that by holding firm to her position that she had no knowlege of those transactions I was accusing her of and that they were initiated by the creditor themselves. I held my cool and said I did not wish to continue with the convo as long as she was intent on turning it into a big argument. SHortly after that she hung up on me (hardly a new tactic). Ten minutes after the hang-up I received a TM which stated that I could just keep the IRS check, she didn't want it. And that by my keeping the entire check, which btw she had verbally consented to allowing me to have many months ago, that it would cover the money that was taken from my acct. ALmost like she was keeping track of the amounts she was "not" taking from me, the whole time.
My prayer life has never been stronger. And for that I am extremely happy. Peace be in all of your hearts.
Oh and the other part of her TM that I failed to mention, probably cuz it is insignificant and not worth mentioning, is her boldly typed "DO NOT EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN, I NEVER WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU".
Needless to say that was a lovely capper to my w/e.
The changeable mind of a woman is an amazing thing. Hot and cold.
I'm sorry this has happened, I so hoped after the last encounter that she was having a change of heart. You sound as though you are handling sorta ok yes? It's so difficult when their actions are showing signs of something, and then it comes up being a plot.
Its all about the money huh? I wish we lived like they did many of years ago where you had to work for a living and didnt have all this technology we have these days.
Hopefully she realizes what has taken place and comes too. Will be praying for you man.
my stories
M-31 W-28 S7 D2.5 T 8, M 4 W filed 2-14-08 D on hold 3/08 D off hold 5/08 D to be final on/by Nov 08 Anniv 9-4 looked hopeful
ST, Racefan, Kalni & jandn & all the rest of you DBers
Thanks for being there for me. It is really appreciated. While this is a difficult time, I am getting on with living. I know the Lord is going to see me through all of this. I sure hope that my darling reaches out ot the Lord for the assistance that she needs during all of this too. I pray that she finds that peace and tranquility that she so richly deserves. As you all know, I believe wholeheartedly that her & I are supposed to be proceeding through life together. We were made one being 6 1/2 years ago and I will continue to let my faith carry me forward. I have faith in our M, I always have and I always will.
God works in mysterious ways. Mysterious to us anyway. Love him with all your heart.
Just making a quick stop by my thread. I have to get to bed shortly as I have to wake up @ 0415 ...aarrrrghhh.
Not much to report. I guess I am "personna non grata". My darling, for reasons only known to her, feels that the best course of action for her life is to have no contact with me. So I am granting her that wish for as long as she maintains that idea. In the past these episodes have not lasted long. I have given her no reason to hold any animosity towards me. Her anger is misplaced I think. I am an easy target and I know it.
Then there is the other sweetheart in my life, DD15. She and I have not talked for nearly a week. That is kind of a long time for me not to hear from her. But I will let her be and she can call me when she feels like it. I don't want to be overbearing.
I consider this to be an exciting time in my life. I feel like I am on the verge of some breakthroughs. One way or the other my life will take a turn for the better. I don't mean to suggest that I am resigning myself to a restoration of my M not taking place. The longer this limbo state goes on it does not get any easier for me to handle. But God intervenes and assists all the time for me to enjoy the many aspects of my life which I am able to enjoy. Life is many faceted.
Time to "hit the hay". Have a great night. May the peace, love & saving grace of Christ bring a great big smile to your face.
