H deep in A & MLC, need support 4 roller coaster!

[Dawn of Hope]

LHF,
I'll have to make this short (AAAAGH! Brief message, no can do!!). I will undoubtedly have more to say about it later, but...sounds to me like your H can't settle on what he wants, so that may be better for you (my H has been fixated on the same OW for a year now, and is having sex with her in RL, not just SL). Hopefully your H will eventually get his head together and realize that you have been the rock through all of his antics.

I know how hard it is, but do your very best to STOP SNOOPING. It will only hurt you and possibly your R directly, especially if he finds out. I know for me it took awhile, because I knew intellectually what a bad idea it was, but kept giving in to temptation. If it helps, think of it like stabbing yourself, because that's basically what happens emotionally when you snoop. Even if you don't find anything new that's incriminating, you still feel sick, and like it's just a matter of time before the other shoe drops. You don't really expect to find anything that will make you feel GOOD, do you??! Let it go. He's going to make a huge mess; don't bother trying to clean it up as he goes. Do what you have to to protect yourself (like from STDs if you think he might be having a PA), but otherwise, leave it alone and don't try to discover what fresh horror he's perpetuating now. You will probably have enough to deal with that comes to your attention without your searching for it. I know, it's hard. But it will probably get worse before it gets better, and you don't need to make things worse than they will be without your snooping.

I can tell you that things that I found out about about my H six or eight months ago, which were excruciatingly painful for me at the time, hardly even register with me now because what he's doing now is so much worse. I'd love it now if my biggest problem was what H was up to in SL. Now it's RL. Believe me, I don't mean to minimize the pain you are feeling now. It's absolutely horrible. But it is in your best interests to BE THE BETTER PERSON and not stoop to his level of lying, cheating and sneaking around, and that includes snooping. Be Teflon--don't let his mud stick to you!

I don't know what to tell you about the PMS, because I don't seem to be affected that way myself, and I am fortunate enough to have very good control of my tongue and my actions around him. All I can suggest is to practice walking away/distracting yourself THE MOMENT you find yourself slipping into something you know you shouldn't do. Walk away if you can, take a couple of deep breaths, and ask yourself, "Is this going to get me closer to my goals or not?" Call a friend or get on this board and vent. The key, I think, is to catch yourself in that moment of choice, and remember what you *really* want. (Thanks to Stephen Covey for that concept.)

But it's like the more he's messed up, the better I feel because I know that although WE had/have some issues as a couple that I didn't pick up on and he didn't share, this is way, way, way more about him. And that makes me feel like I'M NOT CRAZY! He is, totally, nuts!

Yep, I'm with you there. The more "out there" he gets, the better I feel about myself, because I start to realize that a lot of his issues with me are the product of his alien brain, and there's not actually anything THAT bad about me!

I hope that helps!

Peace,
Dawn