ROOT Wouldn't it be better to say "I do not want a D and want to keep my family together. I ask you to do the same but you are free to make your own choices" rather than "That's your choice, I didn't want this divorce"?
My point was exactly that! Someone else had recommended the "That's your choice" comment and I thought it sounded flippant and blaming...
I think how you frame words can be very important during an emotional time like this. I myself had to stop even saying, "I do not want a D." That in itself would only push my H further away. I knew that whatever I wanted my H would automatically want to opposite so I had to be extremely careful how I framed my words.
For example, rather than focusing, or even bringing up the divorce word (that's one I avoided saying out loud as much as possible... just the word!). Instead, I'd say things like, "I think people are happiest having their family together.... but I care about you and I want to do whatever is going to make you happy.... and I know in the long run I'm going to be happy to! Hey, life is great!!!"
See I'd sneak in little bits of truth without trying to bang him over the head with it or try to convince him. Little snippets of logic ,while at the same time appearing to agree and support the nonsense he was spouting.. and sneaking friendship in there too!!! I created a very careful strategy. I knew the chance of it working was very slim, but I figured, what the heck... I'll do my best.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
