Soul mate Part Deux

[runningoutoftime]

In fact, I'd bet the odds are 50/50 that she never even serves you with them yet.

I wouldn't be so optimistic... I think there has been too much pursuit so far, and that tends to push WAS to keep walking. Also I think saying someting like, "That's your choice, I didn't want this divorce" (and I did say things like that) will *sound* like you are blaming her, and blame (like pursuit) will only push her further away.

Also, I wouldn't be surprised if she pushed the D mostly because you don't want it. She wants to "win" this, and do the exact opposite of what you want.

I think telling a spouse you don't want the D is a form of pursuit. I think it's best not to say anything or to only say it very carefully so it doesn't come across as pursuit. "Although I prefer to have my family together, I do want you to be happy."

And then if a spouse says something like "I'm only going to be happy if you let me have this divorce.... It was a bad marriage, we've never been happpy...even you've been unhappy" Yada yada yada.... I don't think you should argue (that's pursuit or trying to use logic against someone who is determined to fight against it). Instead say something like, "I hear what you are saying. I understand. I want you happy too." And then change the subject. Ask about work, ask about family, ask about the child... etc...

This doesn't mean you don't drag your feet on things or hold off the D as long as possible (and don't let them know this our or they will only get angry at you about standing in their way of happiness!!!). Just give convenient excuses. "I'm sorry, I just haven't had a chance to do that," or "first I need to talk with my attorney... " or "Yes, yes, I plan to get to that, I just haven't had a chance... Hey, just relax... a year from now the marriage will be over (not really because your feet will drag it out as long as possible ) and we will both be done with this. You will be happily remarried and I'll be happily dating young, gorgeous women who can't believe their luck in being with me (yeeeeah!!! let that one swish around in her head!!!)."

Then try to create positive interactions.

I've found that it's only when you appear to "give up" the marriage that they sometimes start to wonder if what they are doing is the right thing. Unfortunately, for many people, It's only when they think they've lost something valuable that they begin to question if they were wise in pushing it away. Your W knows she hasn't lost you. Right now you are just an irritating impediment that's standing in the way of her "happiness." Until you step aside she's probably going to keep fighting you.

Oh well... I could be completely off base, but that's my two cents!!!