Anxiously awaiting long term Patience!!

[JWS]

Here are my previous threads

Holding Pattern

All settled in 250 miles apart


Now that the turmoil of rearranging our living situations is wearing off, and she is about to start an exciting new adventure in her own life, I realize that I am left here to still live my own. Right now if a magic genie in a bottle snapped his fingers and fixed all of our problems and made her love me again, we would still be facing a long distance R with both of us in highly stressful situations.

We are making progress and baby steps are adding up. This is really in her hands now to change the things she does not like about herself to become the better W she wanted to be at one point. With respect to that my only job is to support her ventures in school and hold out as her friend.

I have been DBing and doing GAL activities for a while now, but all the rearranging really set me back. This weekend was the first time in a while I enjoyed my self. Sitting with my buddies after a dive drinking a cold beer, and listening to Jimmy Buffet almost made me cry because I was not sad (if that makes any sense)

My professional life is incredible right now and I think I can now make my personal life without her more fun too. She seemed to feel that she was missing out after hearing about my weekend and that’s not a bad thing. I would never do things to make her feel that way, but we use to have a blast together and I stopped a lot of that because she was not there. I am going to get back to it now, and she can come when she is ready.

The last two weeks I have let the pain and sorrow make me feel that I am ready to give up and be done. I think I now realize its time to just be done with the pain and sorrow. Give that up. Be happy for her in her new adventure, share in it when ever she left me, but make my own adventures as well. Most importantly is not be so bummed that I over look all of the baby steps that are happening right in front of me.

I have learned short term patience, but now I have at best three years of living 4 hours apart so its time to learn the real meaning of the word.