Left the Rollercoaster - Now what???

[No Longer BH]

Happy, thank you for the support. I agree that the 1700.00 is nothing compared to the qoutes I got from other L's. Here's the thing, OW works at a law firm so he thought he could just used some of her friends to file the paperwork. I was looking out for me and my son and wanted my own L to tell me if I was getting a good deal whith the mediation proposal. I have already told STBX that the money has been spent, he needs to just come to terms with it.

Its so funny how when he first left he would talk about how he wanted to make sure S and I were always taken care of, no matter what. He even set up a budget showing me that he was going to give me half of his salary. I knew that when the time came, this prposal would be nothing but empty promises, and I was right. Everything he has done for the last 2 years has been selfish. He is a sad mad looking for the easy way to happiness. He spends all of his money, goes out drinking with his new friends (NEVER would drink at all before this) and got himself a girlfriend. Sad thing is I can tell he still is no where near happy. I am finding peace with my life despite the termoil he has put me and my S through. Not completely there but getting closer.

He is such a shallow person as well. He has only worked on outside images instead cultivated a sence of true self (which is why he is where he is). Perfect examples of what I mean about him: He is a people pleaser so always put the opinion of bosses and co-workers ahead of family. He has bumper stickers on his car about saving the planet but does not even recyle. He gets into friendly political debates when people but in not even a registered voter. For years was known as "the food nazi" becuase he would lecture about how bad so much of what we eat is for us, then he would go out and eat fast food almost on a daily basis.

I think back on these behaviors and know that I will be better off without him. His passive/aggressive personality was very abusive to my self esteem. I read an article about PA people and how they do not really love us, they love the attention we give them. We are no more than a really comfortable arm chair to them and when we are no longer of use or value, we are replaced. I refuse to be just an armchair, I deserve to be a partner. Once I have healed from this, I know that I will find the right person for me and I will end up happier than I ever thought possible. After all, I am already happy with me, a partner would just be icing on the cake.