Mulesqb - Still alive and Kickin'

[mulesqb]

Journal - Good nights on Friday and Saturday with the boys. On Friday we went to the batting cages and on Saturday went to see the Dark Knight. The boys loved it! (I did too).

I survived my W trip. On Friday while picking up the boys from camp, my cell phone rang. I picked it up and it was my college roommate. Turns out he worked 5 minutes from where my W was visiting. She saw his picture in a local flyer and realized she was right down the street so she went to see him and used the nickname he and I used to call her back in college. It was great to hear from him but tough to listen to her talk and act like she used to. When he put her on the phone I kind of blew her off because I couldn't take the phoniness. She called later that night to talk to me and not really the boys. She only spoke to S10. I didn't realize because I was the last one to talk to her. I thought she had spoken to all of them before me but didn't.

On Saturday night the boys were upset that they haven't heard from her so at 10pm they called her. She was in her room and talked to them and than me. She wasn't doing much, but I was a little upset that if the boys didn't call her they wouldn't have heard from her.

Yesterday she came home. I went to get the boys sandwiches and when i returned she was on the driveway. She barely said hello to me. I was pissed. She said she was hungry so I gave her half my sandwich. It was very hot so she said she was going in the pool. She asked me to blowoff mowing the lawn and swim with her so I did.

We started to talk, she said that I looked like something was wrong - that I didn't ask her how her weekend was and I didn't tell her I was proud of her for traveling because she was normally not very good with it. She said I needed to remove the stick from my a$$. We started to talk some more and of course the neighbor's W shows up. It sounds like the majority of her weekend was spent buying bikinis and then parading around in them when she got home.

The rest of the day was now spent with the neighbors. At one point I told my W that I was sick of this scene.

I don't know what else to do at this point. I feel like I am stuck in a rut with her. She is basically doing whatever she wants at the expense of her family and at times looks like she cares but for the most part doesn't. It really is no way to live. I still love her, but I don't like her (is that a reverse speech?). I think I'm at the point where if I can't have the old her back - then I don't want her anymore. She has turned into this arrogant, selfish, careless person who thinks the only thing she needs to do for her kids is make them lunch and do their laundry. As she says - the things "she is supposed to do". Now I help with all of those and she doesn't even notice.

The problem is the boys. I will continue to live like this if it is better for the boys. But I don't know - is this sitch better than blowing everything up? I really don't know what the answer to that is. I guess I'm just frustrated right now - the roller coaster had been going up and now appears to be headed downward again - see how long it stays there.