Another one joins the flock (Part II)

[Mike85]

Got a supportive call last night from a relative (first cousin). He and his wife went through a "rough patch" a few years ago when she threatened to walk out on him and their son unless "things changed." They both went through counseling (couples & individual) and are now stronger as a couple. At no point did his wife actually move out, nor were their OP on either side.

Because my cousin had survived his marital crisis, he offered to be another source of pats on the back and kicks to the rump.

Well, when he called last night, it was in response to hearing about my wife shacking up with OM. My cousin kept pressing me to state where I "draw the line." He kept insinuating that I was a doormat b/c I hadn't marched right down to an attorney (he's appalled that I haven't spoken to ANY attorney yet) and filed for divorce. I assured him that I'm doing things to protect my finances, have gone through old e-mails and text messages to construct a journal (just in case), etc., but that wife and I have been amicable, are working on maintaining a growing friendship, and that I still want eventual reconciliation. I tried explaining DB to him.

He politely replied with a "that's nice but..." and kept hammering on my needing an attorney. A good one, the more vicious the better. He told me to document every little late pickup and arrival of wife for kidswap. He told me to document the stuff I buy for the kids, the fun trips we take, the chauffeuring of my son to scouting and sporting events - to prove my being a good parent.

He insisted that the entire concept of being friends was ridiculous because of my wife's adultery and that we need to be "enemies and adversaries" first. He argued that we ARE currently adversaries but that I'm in denial. He's appalled that I'm "letting" wife share the kids when she's shacked up with OM. He's utterly convinced that because this attitude worked for him and his wife, that it's the ONLY way to go.

I promised him that I'd look into an attorney and keep journaling, but told him that I had no intention of "unleashing the hounds" on wife at this point. I told him that we have made progress and will keep working. He was skeptical and referred to DB as "cute" but unrealistic. If he wasn't my blood, I'd probably push him off to the side.

With regards to wife, she called to say son was sick (GI stuff), so she didn't send him to scout day camp today and will probably not send him to soccer tonight (gee, intestinal problems, hot weather, and running around don't mix?). Unfortunately, this means that she won't be at counseling with me today. That's OK - I want to hammer out some of my thought processes after taking with my cousin. Am I a doormat? Should I be more worried about legal stuff?

We spent easily half an hour on the phone, just talking and laughing. She asked about my (quite full) weekend. She told me about the fun with the kids, well...up until my son started feeling sick when they were out boating with friends. During the conversation I noticed what MIL did - wife sounded sad and lonely. I felt bad having to hang up on her, but I honestly had someplace I had to be. I told her that I'd see her tonight when she dropped the kids off.