Bring on the Rain - Part 4

[SueS]

Good morning-

ROOT, Kat & NoCode.....thanks for stopping by. You know, I know that eventually I'll be okay. I just feel so angry again now and the anger turns to crying for me.

Here's my venting, journaling.....whatever for the weekend!

Well, again, still not much accomplished over the weekend. I blew my lid made some comments H didn't like....etc.

Quiet is all I can say about Friday. On Sat., D4 and I got up and did a few things around the house. H had to work until 1:00. The plan was for H to work, come home and take D4 to the pool. After that, we'd take D4 to a friend's house so we could go out to eat and talk. At 1:00, H called and said he'd be leaving work soon & would be home around 1:45-2:00. He walked in the door at 4:45. I asked where he'd been and why he couldn't have the common courtesy to call since he had made plans with D4. He gave some bs about his phone battery being low. He claimed his friend called just after he left work and needed some help with something. I commented that it was funny that he couldn't think to use the friend's phone or stopped at a pay phone (they actually do still have those around!). Not helping in the emotions on Saturday was D4's tantrums. She was so angry and upset because I would not allow her to play with something and then she cried and cried about daddy not being home.

Before leaving to go to eat & talk, H was singing "Peace of Mind" by Boston. I thought it was amusing. Anyway, when singing the part...

I understand about indecision
But I dont care if I get behind
People li vin in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind.

.....he decided to change the words to the last line to say.....All I want is to have a piece of pie. Not the typical pie, but he was being vulgar in using that term to describe a woman. My response was....Gee, H, if you're going to end it that way, then you should begin that part with.....I understand about indiscretions. H was....well, shocked to hear that come from me and not too happy. I thought it was funny. What I did not find funny were the concert tickets I saw for a Tom Petty show this Wednesday night. Once again, no money for a new place, b*tches about the cost of daycare, a DUI court date coming up, license being suspended in a week ($680 reinstatement fee)....etc., but enough money for concert tickets and the night out (dinner, drinks). It will be interesting to see what excuse H has for where he's at that night.

We did go to dinner and D4 had a great time with my friend's kids. Not much talking. Maybe my comment angered H, but he didn't want much to do with a conversation with me.

On Sunday I slept in. It felt great. I took D4 to the park, grabbed lunch for us and then we went to the pool. Almost as soon as we got in from the pool, H jumped on the pc. He thinks he's sneaky by playing music while on his email. He thinks I'm dumb enough to think he's just listening to music and adding songs to his IPod, when he's really emailing back and forth with OW. I came quickly around the corner and saw him minimize the email. I made a comment and he told me that he didn't need me sneaking up on him. I tried to move toward the pc to pop his email up and he quickly shut it down. He started this very nervous laugh that he has when he's guilty. I said....Oh, you think this is funny? You think it's funny for me to have to watch you emailing that b*tch all day long when you're here? I walked away. Another issue that came up was that the same thing I did not want D4 to play with on Sat. I told her no again on Sunday and H proceeded to turn around and give it to her. Same with her wanting some gum earlier in the morning. I said...Gee H, it's no wonder why she doesn't listen to me. I told him...you sat here and watched me tell her no and then turned around and gave it to her. She then comes and says to me....Mommy, you said no, but daddy gave it to me anyway. (All in that....I got my way anyway....tone of voice). I also snapped at H because he knows the move is coming quickly, yet he hasn't raised on finger to do anything. I don't know what came over me this weekend with the comments and the snapping. I ran the spectrum of emotions this weekend, that's for sure.

I received a couple awesome emails from a friend over the weekend and to her I need to reply. She always has this incredible way of making me feel calmer and having me look at the big picture. Her comments make me stop and think.

I go to the new apartment complex today to have them show me the other apartment they are going to put me in.

Well, that's about enough journaling for me for now. Thanks for listening to my venting, ranting & raving!

SueS