Confused and Bewildered

[7 Year Itch]

Thanks Kris and Pisces.

I hope you are right. I just do NOT feel nearly as optimistic as I did pre the whole email fiasco. Ugh.

Well, he will be coming by tomorrow morning ,says he's hoping to be here by 7am (EARLY) to be with the girls all day. He didn't get any overnights this weekend due to work, and the girls are in VBS this whole week and it's at night, so he'll be with them all day tomorrow before I take them to VBS tomorrow night. I meet with my new counselor tomorrow morning, so I'll be leaving around when they do for the pool, then I'll probably try to run a few errands before I come home. I'm going to ask him not to have them out running all day, or they'll be wiped for VBS from 6-8. So if he comes home in the afternoon to let D2 nap, it'll just be me, him and D6. She usually watches some TV while D2 naps, so we may have an hour or so of just us interaction.

I've GOT to find a way to keep R talk out. The sucky thing is, is it seems like every time I resolve NOT to, he then drops the D word again, or something that totally gets me worked up. Hopefully it can totally be avoided tomorrow.

I swear, I think I could do this DB thing SO much more effectively without kids. It's just so dang hard to see my girls hurting, and since they are primarily with me, I'm getting all the meltdowns and sad talks etc. Had another one before bed with D6 tonight, and it just breaks my heart.

I think that is where my stupid R talks come from and the urgency I feel so much of the time stems from. I just want to fast forward, for him to be back home and for stuff to be good and take this pain away from them. I can stand it as awful as it is, and I could go for the long haul alone ,but how long do we live in limbo land with the girls? I just don't know.

Chris