Really upside down #2

[upside_downer]

[quote=Bworl]First off...

she says things like "I still can't tell you things"

Why does she say this? Is there something in the way that you respond to what she says that makes her think she cannot talk to you? Because, you see, if you are dragging this ball and chain of needing your relationship back right now with you into your conversations, maybe that's making you RESPOND to what she says, instead of just LISTENING.[\quote]

She says that because she has always been the kind of person who does not open up to hardly anyone. She has 2 people in her life that she can really open up to and they are her cousin and cousin's H. Not even her mom, or sister. I had the opportunity back when we were still getting to know each other because she started to open up to me, but that door quickly slammed shut because I was unaware that her need of support involved me just hearing what she had to say. I took all the stories, explaining, etc. and dug, trying to understand and identify with it. That was my way of showing support. She took that as me being selfish. She never felt supported. THAT's why she says she can't tell me things. Now she expects that somehow, I'm going to start listening while she acts the way she is. The angry part of me wants her to continue to feel that pain, but hashing this all out, I finally see that I just need to staple my mouth shut and stop talking about ME.

See, I think the problem is that you DO want to talk about those things. But you don't like the answers she gives you because they hurt and you don't agree with them.

Basically you're beating your head against the wall.

I hate to admit, but part of me does because I'm waiting for her to have a shred of honesty with me and tell me what is going on in her life instead of expecting me to be OK with it as an occasional visitor. I'm struggling with conceding to that.

You're trying to have an honest conversation about your relationship with a woman who has emotionally checked out of the relationship and already firmly convinced herself that her decision was right.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

Petty, vindictive, controlling, and extremely "little boy" like.

Yes