Really upside down #2

[upside_downer]

Hey UD,
Just got caught up on your sitch. And the rollercoaster continues, does it not?

As for you, you are still too attached to her and what she does. Detachment is a process and takes time, but you also have to focus your efforts on it. You cannot continue to allow her actions to be the basis for your emotional state.

This, right here, in this unassuming little paragraph, is the key to everything, IMO. I am working very hard at it. Some days are I'm pretty good, some I'm not. I find myself drifting back into the mind set of what I need to do to make this stuff work. "what if shes not calling me, what if I don't see her for a long time, how is she doing to notice the changes?" Then I snap out of it for a time. Those are the wrong questions, they don't matter. The only way for me to completely detach is for me to be seperate. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around her right now, I want to get to a point where I don't feel like that. I'm not sure how to do it and whats more, is no one can tell me. I (we) have to figure it out for ourselves.

"I'm making efforts to change what got us here so we can have what we need going forward. This includes doing things that are hard because I can get hurt. I don't feel you are meeting me halfway, though, because you still can't tell me things."

So, I'm new here and barely know what I'm doing, so I would get more opinions on this than just mine but I think: Do NOT say this!! You...have...NO...control over her. I have to say this to myself all the time. What would be the point in saying this. Who's benefit is it for? Don't talk; do. And you have no right to demand anything from her at this point (and really never did). You are both seperate people, you are not merged.

But that being said I know how you feel. I'm there with you and I have asked my wife questions to that really didn't matter and they were more for me than her.

As for the question you asked me: not uptight but intellectual. My wife always said I was so intellectual without emotions. Well, that has changed real quick.

I'm reading along.

B

Thanks for visiting, B. I'll be popping in your thread as well. We need all the support we can get.