W sends me a text and says, "so am I getting sued or are you divorcing me?" So as I am starting to text back she calls...
Why do I have a notice to pick up a certified letter??? I said no I'm not divorcing you we are gettin sued by 1 of the creditors. She says "why?" I said cause we haven't made a payment in over 6 months. She says, "well howcome you didn't ask for money I would have paid half of the monthly payment". I said "excuse me." She says, "why did you let this happen?" I said, "I had to prioritize what was important given the sitch and that was the mortgage." She says, "what do you mean?" I hem haw around cause I didn't want to start a argument, she says, "just say it". I said, "you made a decision 9 months ago to take 'your' money and save it as you said none of this is my responsibility I had to make a decision then also as to what was important." She says, "well I will give you half of what it will take to bring it current." I said, "at this point it won't matter I don't have the other half to bring it current even if I did I can't make the monthly payment, I am broke." She says. "well the you had better find another job and fix it!" I said, "you aren't listening to me just like when I said it 6 months ago I can't afford everything." She says, "I know how much you make and you can afford the mortgage." I said, "yes but as I tried to explain months ago, there is the car & home insurance I pay for, the cell bill, gas for us, by the time that is all paid for I have nothing for the utilities let alone CC's." She says, "why didn't we do something about before this?" I simply said, "you want me to be honest?" "yes" "cause you didn't want to".
I said, "all I can do is talk to a atty and see what options we have I don't even have next months mortgage." She says, "so we are going to lose the house?" (funny how it's we now) I said, "worse case even if you were to move home...she interupts and says, "I am not moving home just cause of this", I said, "whoa, 1st off please don't interupt me I would appreciate the same courtesy that I give you when you are talking and that is listening until I'm done. 2nd I am not asking you to move home I don't want you home I am not ready for that and neither are you so please let me finish, besides you signed a years lease." Then the strangest thing happened she started to say something and stopped in mid sentences and said, "oh my god this is all my fault, you told me this and I didn't listening, this is because of me and the decision I made without thinking of you and thought was right, why are you not angry with me you should be furious." I said, "look this isn't about 'you' makin a decision or 'me' makin a decision, this is about decisions 'we' both made how can I be angry when I am just as guilty?" She says, "yes but you didn't move out." I said. "wasn't going to matter who left it was goin to happen." "I don't blame you for leaving hell I even agree it was the best thing just like you said on the 4th it has helped you/us and that's what is important."
I go on to say, "this is just a house, it's wood and concrete, it's not as important as family, if losing the house brings us 1 step closer to being happy and relieve some stress then so be it, I realize as I have told you my priorities were screwed up I have direction now and that is happiness."( I kinda start choking up here sorry) She says, "Please don't." "I don't know what I was thinking taking this place it won't be long before I will have to get a 2nd job." I said, "your were thinkin this isn't working, I can't breathe, I am pissed off and I want out right?" She says, "yeah pretty much."(see I do listen)
I said, "look we are both at fault here now it is up to 'us' to fix it. There is no reason to let it ruin the rest of the w/e, I will make some calls on monday." She says, "did you call the bank and ask them?" I said, "yes I called the bank and since you don't live here they wouldn't take into acoount your salary, so they can't help." She says, "I'm sorry." I said, "as am I, but if it takes us being flat ass broke to achieve happiness, then I am ready for the journey and if you want to talk more I am here for you."
Sorry for the length and I'm sure there is some things I have foregotten, but I think you get the gist. All in all I think she has come along way on her journey to accept some blame this tells me she had an awaking a real slap in the face as it were where it goes from here only she knows...
Brian
Hey Brian, isn't it funny how the reality of the sitch is just like 2x4 up side the head for her?? Maybe this will wake her up. Maybe the loss of you, the house, the realization that life(her life) is about to go down the chitter will help lift the fog.
Hang in there buddy. Do some good talking with the creditors and see if you can get something worked out. Hopefully W will help fix this.
