The continuing story of the Lake Erie Shore

[Continuing]

How detached am i? LOL....funny...somedays...really well...others...not so much.

I feel the same way. I think I am doing good; I can finally feel comfortable when I am quiet or with my friends and I can sleep at night. But, man, when I am around my wife, the eggshells come right back. I guess this means that there is more detaching to be done.

[Neilh23]

in my experience, it comes iwth time....its only recently that i've been able to not worry too much about what she thinks of me. I still do on occasion. Of course, things are going in a positive directions. Ask me if things start going downhill....LOL....

it's a complicated process............detachment............just be YOU. with some added improvements...but overall, be you. it'll come....

[pisces9]

yep- just be YOU...thats the whole point. thats how it has to be or things will not change

[Neilh23]

another thing to add to my list of positive interactions.....

she asked about my soccer game yesterday....sorta thru me for a loop

*sigh*

why can't things move faster than this?

i know i know...it's good that things are going slowly. the thing is, is that i know i won't fall back into my old habits because i'll be so happy to get a second chance, that i won't let myself.

gotta keep up the new behaviors....they are working.

still getting impatient tho. LOL.....i think i should change the name of my thread to "impatience on the lake erie shore"

[TwinDad]

Neil,

Sounds like you are on a roll!!! Keep up the good work. I agree with Bill's take on the "normal" time with the kids together......honestly I think that is a huge plus.

Your baby steps of your sitch are getting bigger. I think it is great that you were able to reflect back on yuour progress and "see" it.

The anger thing is normal, in my sitch I think I was angry....very angry....at my W for not truly trying to make it work (my opinion at the time) and myself for contributing to the madness of the situation and haelping it develop.

I am happy things are steadily improving

[Neilh23]

it's weird. but this is sometihng my IC said i probably was going to experience...

i'm getting angrier as the baby steps increase.

One of the things he's said is that i have trouble "feeling" my emotions...it wasn't until recently that i've really understood what he meant. I've felt the sadness....feel it alot. i'm beginning to feel the anger....and resentment...and all those things that drove me during this period..that i didn't acknowledge.

it's hard to explain, but it's there.

don't worry. I'm not going to unleash on my W when she picks up the girls today. I'm acting as if.....everything is good and peachy keen.

I see him on Wednesday. Man, do i have alot of unleash. good grief.

soccer ball time.

and you're right..they are steadily improving. which, makes me feel hopeful.

[Bridgestone]

Hi Neil
I've been out of the DB boards loop the past 4 or 5 days. I have errands to run this morning & then am meeting a friend for lunch.
I'll try & catch up with you later.. but just reviewing the posts from above. I have a couple questions for you.

1- I'm assuming that impatience is a character trait that you have... how has that impacted the M prior to your W. walking away? How has it impacted your children? How has it been perceived through her/their eyes?

2- Can you find the emotion under the anger? hurt, betrayal, loss? I can hear my H better if he can tell me those emotions rather than the anger. You might understand it better yourself.

Peace
Bridge

[Neilh23]

Bridge-

to answer your questions.....

1. good assumption. I believe there are two parts to my impatience. In my R with my W, it came across as needing to be 'efficient' about things...shopping being a HUGE one. something else is usually when i thought of something, i had a need to do it NOW. LOL...usually something around the house.....
the other part of my impatience about this stems from the Mirror Theory that my IC and I developed. The link below is to my letter to my W (which i never sent) which explains it in better detail in case you've forgotten a bit.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1517444&page=0&fpart=8

2. Yes. All of them. I don't express them to her because i'm afraid of it turning into an R talk...know what i mean? Plus, it's all about her stuff........so i don't want to interfere...i'm just not sure how to do that stuff...

thanks.

[TwinDad]

Neil,

I found I had quite a bit of impatience in my sitch despite being a very patient person.

It was kind of like....."ok....I get it, I know what wrong, I understand now....can I please have my life back"

That was in the beginning. As things started to improve it was kind of like "Ok...now I really get it, and you seem to get it now, so lets put this foolishness behind us and have a better life now"

This is normal....you see improvements, you understand the DB principals, you just want to hurry up and finish the project in order to enjoy it. It is kind of like building a model airplane....you have to let the glue and paint dry occassionally to ensure the end product is everythign you hoped it would be.

[Neilh23]

LOL..OMG. so true.

good analogy. I haven't done a model in a while. perhaps i will go get one today....

thank you. makes me feel a thousand times better.

you took those words right from my mind..."let's put this foolishness behind us and have a better life now"