Hi imp, Just caught up on your sitch. So sorry it's come to the big D. Where I live, you have to be S for one year before you can D, and even though I believe we will D, it helps to swallow this in stages. You and your H are already S, right? Are you going to see a mediator or lawyer now?
Hang in there.
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
Anyway, i know things are different for those of us w/o kids, so feel free to ask questions if you have any.
Did you use a lawyer, mediator or ?
Using a lawyer seems so harsh in my sitch. I want to do what's fair re: splitting assests. But, we need to maintain a friendly relationship because of our professional lives. I don't want to be taken advantage of or give up too much, but don't want a fight.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Have you read "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert?
One of my all time favorite books. Read it during our trip to Thailand in February. I have several of her meditations highlighted and refer to the frequently. At the time I was reading it, I didn't realize it was based on her true experience... guess I didn't pay attention to the word "memior"! Or I was still in shock that my marriage was crumbling before my eyes...
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I think you need a lawyer, especially because of your business ties. It is my impression that the woman in a divorce will usually get screwed (so to speak) if she doesn't have good legal help.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
You and your H are already S, right? Are you going to see a mediator or lawyer now?
Nope, still living in the same home. He had been telling me that no final decision has been made... there was still a sliver of hope, etc. Maybe if we would have tried a temporary separation, things would be different. Not gonna look back and second guess, though.
Not sure about L or mediator, but I'm really, REALLY ready to move to the next stage in my life.
Believe it or not, I feel a strange sense of calm. Like I can finally breathe. This morning I feel like a heavy weight was resting on my chest, but after having lunch with a friend, I feel a sense of clarity and readiness to move on to greater happiness. The past couple of years have taken its toll emotionally, but thanks to DB, I feel empowered for the first time in forever it seems.
I'm ready to start living for me and I'm ready to become even more magnificent.
Thank you all so MUCH. Words fail me when I try to express how helpful all of you have been.
I have a lot of love to give and I enjoy sharing a tiny glimpse online with all of you. Who woulda thunk?
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoooooxxxx!
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
I think you need a lawyer, especially because of your business ties. It is my impression that the woman in a divorce will usually get screwed (so to speak) if she doesn't have good legal help.
That's my fear... he handles all the finances and I have no idea where everything is. Lots of different accounts set up (some $$$ even transferred to another country). However, he did come into the relationship with substantial savings and I don't want to take any of that. I just want what's fair.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
By the way, Sara, did you know Elizabeth Gilbert sold the rights to Coyote Ugly and that that movie is based on her experiences as well? I had no idea until I went to her website after finishing the book... I've never seen Coyote Ugly (not my thing) but I was surprised to learn it was based on her life experience. Very diversified lady.
Her writing style reminds me of our beloved Gypsy.
WRITE THAT BOOK, GYPSY BUTTERFLY. I give you full rights to create a character named Ms. Imp... but stipulate she must be FABULOUS with an extraordinary collection of incredibly sexy shoes.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Both my W and I have strived to take the high road because we work in the same office as well - though I can usually avoid her if I need to.
We decided we wouldn't go after each other's retirements or anything, so the only thing that had to be figured out was the house. We each got the Nolo book on D and decided to do it ourselves. It was pretty straightforward. I consulted a L beforehand - free 1 hour initial consultation - just to make sure it was as straightforward as I thought it was.
She did the initial filing online and I responded online. The papers had to be printed out and served, with the server signing something that then had to be filed with the court. Then we drew up an agreement, but just used the template in the Nolo book. We then took it back to the L I had gone to to make sure it was correct before filing.
So, that's where we're at.
We had a joint account but agreed to split equally. We had to sit down and come to an agreement about dividing joint property - that was tough. But that doesn't matter so much in the court docs.
It really is like a business agreement. It's hard to see this relationship of love get put into these black & white terms of possessions, and it was even harder to realize how easy it was to dissolve our M, but there it is.
Does that help? I highly recommend the nolo books because they give you a really good overview and an idea of what to expect. I got mine at the library.
