I am so sorry that I do not have a way to take away your anxiety and pain. All I can tell you is that if you hold still and keep pulling weeds {that is truly the best thing} it will relent.
Please do what you would be doing if things weren't horrifying. Practice waiting out the uneasy feelings. Anytime you feel halfway decent at all, pay attention and fan that.
Bad feelings seem to come in waves. All I know about surviving, I have learned the hard way. Keep distracting yourself by noticing what is good. It seems that your husband is mostly decent and not too unkind. Reinforce that by being your best self, too.
I will read backward. Meanwhile, know that lots of people do care about you and your family.
