naej, That was an excellent post! There is so much truth in it.
As you and others have stated, I think the times that a WAS returns to find the LBS is not in favor of a reconciliation are few and far between, if at all.
In my sitch, my exH's attempt to reconcile was only because things weren't going well w/ OW. In my opinion, the reconciliation was not an honest one because he never really left her....he made ME the OW in their relationship (w/out my knowledge). Luckily, for me, I had grown and had opened my eyes to many things. Yes, his leaving the second time hurt....it bit bad; but, not for the same reasons as before. The second time, I truly felt dirty and used. My self-esteem, which had finally started to return, took another big hit. But, I knew the second time, that I would be ok and I had developed a deeper and stronger relationship w/ God. The "fighting" I did the second time was a personal fight within myself...for ME, not for the marriage.
No one has mentioned the "scars" that are left as a result of a WAS/d. There are some. And, how we deal w/ them is very important. For me, trust is a VERY big issue. I do not like secrets or lies. I am very blessed that God brought Bill into my life. As I stated in my previous post, he is a very loving and caring person...not to mention trustworthy and honest. He has been very patient w/ me and has helped me look at things w/ "new eyes". I still have "demons" that like to make their presence known from time-to-time; but, I am learning how to deal w/ them. If something does bother me, I am able to talk to Bill about it and, if the need be, we work through it together. Love, commitment, and communication...how can a marriage survive without them?
I have learned so much these past couple of years. Lessons learned the hard way. (But, I have grown so much, too!) And, I hope and pray that through those lessons learned I am able to be the wife that God wants me to be....the wife that Bill wants/needs me to be.
naej, I hope you are doing well! Thank you for your kind words!
