Really upside down #2

[upside_downer]

I see what you are saying, Bill. I guess it's just that what I'm trying to accomplish is to detach, etc. We are in this cycle, though, where she calls me and wants to do things. Everyone thinks that is great, but every time it catapults me into feeling bad.

When she says things like "I still can't tell you things" that's when I feel like this and want to tell her she needs to do something to change because I don't want to go off and do something like date or give up when that isn't what she wants from me, but can't show it. I am trying to protect my head from the constant barrage of her hitting me with things like "I can't talk to you, I was never physically attracted to you" things that just rip me apart.

Why does she feel the need to say those hurtful things, but not realize that the exact thing she wants from me (action changes, not word changes) are what she needs to do as well to get it from me?

I've heard the analogy of drop the rope. The way I interpret it, or at least the way I'm tempted to get on with it is to lose all contact because I'm struggling. But that is bad, right?

I thought about what I wanted to say and it does sound bad, but I feel that somehow she has to know that she can't treat me like crap like this and expect I'm gonna take it.

I thought about a hybrid of the next time she asks me to do something, I say I'm not really interested because she's not able to talk to me.

That leads me down the same path I think. Arrrrrrrrrghhh!!!