He is unable to trust me... is afraid I will embarrass him in public.
Oh, what a truckload of BS!!!! HE embarrassed YOU in public by carrying on with OW. YOU took him quietly aside and expressed your concerns. HE'S the moron in this story!!!!!
You deserve to be treated with more respect, and you deserve to be a priority in your marriage over other women "friends'. Period.
Thanks for the words of support and hugs. I'm going to go meet a friend for lunch (except I can't eat - the Divorce diet has kicked in). Kalni, your strength and resolve have inspired me beyond words.
((((((my DB friends)))))
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
Just sending you a message of support. I'm sorry you're hurting right now.
I think your H sounds like a big ol' bozo right now! Guess what - we ALL have discussions with our spouses at parties, etc. when we get upset. Who even cares if you DID cause a scene?! Is he married to friends or you?
You need to come first and it sounds like he needs to recognize that.
You should take things slow so that you've thought this out and it's what you really want, but don't forget that CA has a 6 month waiting period. Just because you file doesn't mean it's going to happen overnight.
Damn. I thought CA was only had 3 month waiting period. I'm just ready to get this wrapped up. I'm ready to move on. I have been stuck for so damn long. I had lunch with a friend - one I confided to about concerns I had with my h and OW when my gut started telling me something wasn't right. It was May 2006. He remembered because of a specific event that triggered me to say something. That's how long I've been dealing with this rock of pain in my stomach. I don't think it's in my best interest to focus any more of my energy in thinking about the marriage I had. Time to focus solely on me for now.
I'm incredibly grateful for this experience and I'm incredibly grateful for the time I shared with my husband. I sent him a text a few hours ago:
"I want to thank u for helping me grow over the years. Being your wife made me want to be a better person. As much as my heart hurts now I will always deeply care for and admire the incredible man u are. I hope one day we can rebuild a friendship. Please accept my sincere apology and gratitude. Love, R"
No response from him. Oh well. I feel really good about myself. I'm proud to have made it my mission to save my marriage. Although I didn't succeed, I'm still a winner.
M: 37 H: 36 Married: Aug 13, 2004 Decision to Divorce: July 20, 2008 Reconciled: September 2008 Current: Ambivalence
This is the first step to moving on with your life. And it will be to better things. Much better, I have no doubt. As much as possible try not to look back, but to keep looking forward.
He's too stupid/selfish to listen to anything you have to say right now so if I were you I'd stop. Write it in your journal instead. I wrote a bunch of letters and clipped them into my journal.
You need to withdraw and stop giving him focus and attention. You can be loving, but focus on yourself.
And yes - 6 months is a long time. So don't feel bad if you want to go ahead and file because it'll take some time. I'm halfway through the wait now and it's amazing how much has changed in the past 3 months.
Anyway, i know things are different for those of us w/o kids, so feel free to ask questions if you have any.
Have you read "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert? I have read it twice, I enjoyed it so much. It is about a woman with no children who gets divorced and the torment that was in her mind and soul and how she creates a new life for herself. We don't all get to spend an entire year traveling and contemplating our navels like she did, but I found her journey very insightful. Others on the board have said that the book helped them accept their new singleness.
That sounds interesting, Sara. Maybe I should take a year to travel the world and write the male version? I love to travel and I've certainly learned how to contemplate my navel in the past ... my god, it's been 9 months since this all began!
I love to travel and I've certainly learned how to contemplate my navel in the past ... my god, it's been 9 months since this all began!