And it's not that you're wrong to feel that way. Not at all.
But what kind of response do you honestly think you are likely to get to such a statement to her? I guess I've just read enough stories on this board to know that, at this point in time, the answer you are likely to get will not be very pleasing to you.
Detachment is not a switch and I don't really think there are steps like 1-2-3.
Have you read people using the phrase "drop the rope?" It's sometimes used to provide an analogy to the mindset that you are trying to reach in detachment.
I used an analogy once regarding walking your beloved dog, who happens to be on an extremely long leash.
Your pet is thoroughly enjoying the walk and takes off to explore anything and everything, but in the process gets so far away that neither of you can see each other anymore.
During his wandering, he has managed to wrap that leash around all manner of trees and poles and other things.
You realize that you can't see your pet anymore and you want to help him make it back to you. But when you begin to pull on this very long leash, all that happens is that it gets stuck on all those things and actually makes it impossible for your pet to get back to you.
So what do you do?
You let go of the leash.
Because now that you're both not pulling on it in different directions, your pet can eventually make his way back home.
You and your wife are pulling in opposite directions.
She wants away and space.
You want her back with you.
Who wins? ...neither of you.
Until one of you stops pulling.
I hate the old cliche "If you love someone, let them go...", yada, yada, yada. But there is certainly some truth in that crappy cliche.
Do you think parents whose kids become drug addicts don't wish they could FORCE them to stop doing drugs?
Do you think the spouse of an alcoholic doesn't wish he/she could stop their spouse from drinking?
You cannot MAKE her change her mind.
There are no words, no actions that in and of themselves serve as the magic wand that will bring her back.
She has to DECIDE that she WANTS to come back. She has to DECIDE that she would rather be with YOU than any other person.
So your job is pretty straightforward.
Become her best choice.
And take every opportunity to let her SEE that you are the best choice.
I may think I'm the best candidate for a managerial position in a Fortune 500 company, but trust me, they are NOT going to hire me based on my words. They want to SEE what I've done and what I know.
So it is with your wife.
You must reach the point where you ACCEPT that the decision to return is hers.
You must reach the point where you ACCEPT that you cannot make her realize the error of her ways. She KNOWS she is right.
You must begin the process of focusing your efforts on becoming once again the man that she cannot live without.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
