Interesting thread and POV. I have joined the BB in 01 and lurked for a year or more before that. I was D in 03,H left in 2000. He was having an A. He married her in 05,they are still m. We had been m 31yrs and tog for 40ys. I know that all the people who started with me are D. Bar one(as far as I know) her h had been living with ow 6yrs then. Several of them were ardent standers, religious people who knew God had told them their m would be saved. They no longer post or return. I know of 2 who do not because they are embarrassed/ashamed. I don't think they need to be either but thats how they feel. I guess many more feel the same. Like others I have seen next to no posts of waw's wanting to return and the lbs not wanting it. I have seen lots of reconciliation attempts that eventually fold. I agree with the poster who said that too many stats are given out with no substance, just they are said enough times they become true. I was told ow a bandaid, affairs last 6 mths etc. I still read posts that call ow all the names under the sun and say it wont last means nothing etc but after 4 + years I think I would be thinking maybe ow does mean something. We all have a limit. I would go one step further and say financially we all have a limit.The long term standers I know of including the one who started with me all have h who have been able to run 2 households so maybe never had the need to go for a D.I hardly call it a marriage but again each to their own and had I been financially able I may have not gone for a D and still be alone and waiting in limbo (standing). If your H or W is of an age to be in MLC it is a whole different ball game the difficulty lies in the fact that lables are so easy to hide behind. Like reading a medical dictionary we all have some if not most of the symptons. I guess the beauty of this site is the hope it gives us but more importantly the help and hope it gives us to find ourselves and begin again. Deb and Bill have not been the only ones to find love on the bb. They were not given an easy time by many posters but they have always posted honestly and give amazing advice. I am always saddened when I read new posts as so often they are not many years into a marriage. They have problems that are not MLC but so often the same posters get given the same stats as to OPs etc.A while ago a poster was obviously being physically abused and was in fear of her H, I told her to get out and take her child with her with no discussion, others advised changing her behaviour,taking her vows seriously etc. She stopped after a couple of posts. I still wonder what happened to her. Giving hope is a good thing but we have to be so careful when we only know one side. Giving false hope is irresponsible but we can only speak from our own hearts and experiance. Wow this turned into a ramble-sory.
