Twerpled on the Head with a Magic Kumquat

[girlfromipanema]

Uh oh, I'mstillhopeful... too late. I needed to initiate a conversation with my husband today. I simply could not continue as things have been.

He is unable to trust me... is afraid I will embarrass him in public. Last June we attended the wedding of a colleague. People who didn't know us thought he and OW were a couple rather than us. I went outside with him and expressed how deeply his actions were hurting me. It was a public place. I did not cause a scene. But this is something that he cannot tolerate. I've known this about him and I take full responsibility for my actions. I handled it wrong. I should not have allowed my emotions to fester. It was wrong but not unforgivable in my eyes. It is unforgivable to him. I accept that.

I cannot continue in a relationship where I am not a top priority. He doesn't want to choose between his friendship with OW and his marriage. I cannot accept this and live happily.

There is no alternative other than Divorce.

I tried my very best to save my marriage. I have learned so much about what I need, who I am, how much value have, how to communicate, how to love... I am so incredibly grateful to the DB community. I have so much love for so many people and I know I will be friends with many of you here until the end of time.

I am feeling OK. My heart needs to heal, but I've been going through this for a very long time and my emotions are not as raw as I expected they would be once arriving at this decision.

I told him that being married to him made me want to be a better person and that he has helped me morph into someone I can love with my entire heart. I said as much as my heart hurts now, I know I will always be grateful to him and would hope to be able to rebuild our friendship. That I will always care deeply and admire the man he is. He held me for a few minutes but I needed to get out of there to clear my head and figure out my next step towards my future. Holy crap. I cannot believe I am going to be divorced. I can't believe he will be my ex-husband. It is very sad.

I suppose I'll move to Surviving soon. I am sure I will be needing a lot of support and encouragement in the coming months.