Confused and Bewildered

[7 Year Itch]

You know Kris, he really is a good person. That's what is so frustrating. I feel in some ways like it would be easier if I COULD hate him ,but I can't. He's hurt, and feels defeated. And nothing I do or say seems to change a thing.

I know you are both right, and I need to let it go. God, it's just so hard, and goes against everything I feel.

The thing is, is I DO do a lot for myself. So I guess I"m not sure what he is seeing, or what he would need to see. I volunteer at my church, I take my girls for social things with friends several times each week, I'm going on a 3 day weekend scrapbook retreat in a few weeks with friends to the mountains, I have made sure to plan fun nights with friends each time he's had the girls for overnights. I do do stuff. I'm working out (can't afford a gym right now, so it's at home). I've done a TON of home improvement over the last 3 months (painted my bedroom, livingroom, trim on the house, and stained 2 decks). In a way I'm BUSIER now than before, because I hate not having stuff to do.

An before the split, he for sure should not have seen being my life. I volunteered at my church, my daughters school, ran the kids to all their practices, events etc. Design digital scrapbook kits for sale on 3 different internet sites, went out with friends. I'm not this "my husband is my life and identity" sort of girl. So I Really don't know where that is coming from, or what he wants to see.

I just don't know. I want a magic crystal ball. IT would make it SO much easier to know if the end was good or not. And I know, I konw.... DB is supposed to be for us, blah blah blah. BUt you know............. I am doing it for my marriage. I will be capable of doing nice things for myself, I always have. I do do fun things with friends ,and have hobbies etc. I AM DBing for my marriage and not for myself, I admit it.

UGH.

Chris