Trixi trying to find moorage

[Trixi]

First I have to give credit where it's due--the rocks in the river analogy isn't mine. I think I might have seen it on the Marriage Builders site and it was regarding 'making deposits' in a spouse's love bank. But it is a great visual anytime you are doing something and you feel like your efforts aren't making a difference.

Peeps-thanks for the support re my dad. He was also supposed to pick me up from school on occasion and wouldn't come get me. On the weekend days when he was supposed to pick me up, I would wait on the couch and every time I heard a car, there would be a moment of "Yay! he remembered" and then the disappointment.

I totally agree that once you become an adult, you have the choice on how to deal with your childhood. There's plenty of people out there who had it REALLY BAD that are successful and others who had it pretty good that are losers. Ultimately, you have to take control of your own life.

I think that having an inconsistent dad has made it "easier" for me to put up with my H. If I had had a dad that had acted like I was the most precious thing in the world to him, I doubt that I would tolerate being treated like a second hand toy now. And I can intellectualize this until the cows come home, but it doesn't seem to 'make the leap' from my head to my heart.

For the most part, I feel fine, capable, strong enough, etc. It's mostly hearing people get really upset on my behalf that makes me wonder what I am not "getting" and then I feel weak.

eh. moving on. enough dwelling on that. ick.

Today is a new day