sandra, have you tried alanon? sounds like your h may be an alcoholic.
what about individual counciling? my h had some addiction issues and 2 affairs. his behavior and affairs have caused me intense grief and pain. however, i do not feel i have the right to punish him the rest of his life. i don't ever bring up ow or his affairs. we are in ic and mc. your h's hypervigilance sounds a little like punishment to me. especially if you have made sincere amends and are trustworthy now. his self esteem was probably very damaged by your affair. he really would benefit from ic or at least doing some research on affairs. lisa oh and charcoal has a thread in piecing that you may relate to, check her out
