Oldtimers: Return or not..what finally happened?

[sleeper]

We read the OP is merely a "bandaid" but I'm not so sure. As I've read these posts it seems OP play a larger role. I notice some mlcers who attempt to return go back to the OP, others marry the OP. I have often thought the X and I could reconcile if OM wasn't in the picture.

Three months post separation now X said she was thinking about going back to me.

Five months post separation I declined to meet with now X because we were fighting so badly. She became angry saying I had "blown her off" and she had wanted to talk about "us."

One bit of confusion along the way was that she told me she needed to be divorced because she had never truly been on her own, was abused by those close to her and she needed to heal. I don't know how much of that was true and how much was BS.

She has never called OM her boyfriend, but says they are "dating." Pictures of him go up and down on her nightstand.

She is interested in doing things with me but once said she doesn't want "to get my hopes up."

She seems to be thinking again as she initiated a R talk last week.

It makes sense they can't "get back" feelings for us while they actively have feelings for someone else.

Does anyone see a correlation between the longevity of the relationship with OP and the rate of return to the M?