New resolve today. I'm going to be ok. I'm accepting the fact that my M is over. I know I tried a lot in the past 12 yrs to make this work. It's not my fault that H is not motivated to sustain an R and wants to be free. It's not a reflection on me that he blames me for his unhappiness. Yes, I was not always a perfect person either at all times in our R, but there needs to be two people committed to making an R work, not just one. There needs to be two people giving and contributing to an R. I know I have a bright new chapter in front of me in which I can focus on things that I enjoy in life. I have held back from doing a lot of things I wanted to do that H didn't like. I lost myself and worried a lot about H's happiness/mood swings. So, my life has the potential to have a new richness. I can't even imagine going on dates or anything at this point yet. I think I really need to rediscover my own identity and strengthen myself. I think I can begin to understand that having true love and compassion does not require attachment with another person. I'm delving into more spirituality readings and contemplation. In recent years, I have made my best efforts to use crisis periods to deepen my own personal strength and spirituality. When I was diagnosed w. Diabetes (8yrs ago) I began a spiritual awakening and study to understand life since it is so short in a way. Then, through each little crisis after that this same desire for understanding and growth has been within me (losing jobs, previous S from H, sister's trials from alcohol, family deaths) I think this D is probably the biggest personal catalyst yet. Maybe I can jump to a new level now. I am not scared anymore of being "alone". The universe is vast and no one is really alone.
Last edited by New Path RJ; 07/20/0804:59 PM.
Me 40 H 39 2nd M- 6 months No kids Previous D, 1st M DBer from 2003
