Had EA or PA, broke it off but still miss them?

[smokry]

Hi- I was hoping to get some feedback on a question that is driving me crazy...Has anyone out there had an EA or PA and broke it off (ended because you knew it was wrong and wanted to save your marriage)but still miss the other person and think of them often? It's been about a year since I've actually seen the OM in person. I have blocked his emails from coming through, deleted his screen name from aim, told him to NEVER call me again, etc...But I still think of him...and I feel bad about that. A certain place, song, etc..brings it all back. Now in my HEAD- I know that it was a stupid thing to do and I was a fool. And I KNOW breaking it off was the right thing to do and I realize that we never got past the "lovey dovey" stage and that in real life in a few years had we gotten together we would be fighting just like normal couples...but it still hurts and I still miss him. I think it would be easier if my husband after a year wasn't still continually throwing him in my face...He keeps bringing him up which makes me think about him. My H goes through my cell phone to see who I have called, got the phone bills the other day and checked incoming and outgoing calls, accuses me of still talking to him, gets paranoid and calls a million times when i go ANYWHERE by myself, calls a million times when I go anywhere with my older daughters (he thinks they are covering for me), thinks all my family is covering for me (except my brother of which he spends more time with than me..they drink EVERY day together after work)..and I could go ON an ON...I don't want to have a relationship with the OM but I can't get him out of my head if he is always being thrown in my face...Even if my H and I divorce (which right now I could care less) I wouldn't go to the OM.I have tried to make that very clear but H doesn't believe it. I am sick and tired of H attitude. Everything out of his mouth is accusing or hateful or rude...and I can't take much more. We ordered the seminar tapes and watched the first one last night (he did so resentfully).Making something change is my last hope...and I don't have much faith in it. Not even sure I want to. Anyone gotten past this? The missing the other person part and the spouse's jealousy/paranoia? Thanks!
Sandra