Is it MLC ?

[Peaches40]

Hi, instead of being in newcomers I have decided to post on her. A nice friend here said it maybe MLC. So I did some reading on MLC and it fits his age and all what he has said.

Does it last five years? He was great five years ago. Content mostly and devoted to my boys and myself. Now and for a the last few years I have seen a selfish (which he never was) and highly egotistical man. Right before his father died he started acting strange.

shaving grey hair off his body. Wanting to dye his hair. Kept saying I only have so many years of my life left. He quit his profession three times in the 30 years I have known him and done other things and went back. In the last three years he has been concentrating on this. The problem he doesn't see is that since he has quit its a small network of people in this business they really think of him as flaky because of this. So he has only a few clients and noone calls him.

Blame is me. Its all my fault. Justifies everything he does and says by never taking any responsibility of his choices.

Well finally tonight I got the "Moving out" speech. He told me to expect to loose the house and the truck. Don't care what happens to you. My reaction was you do as you feel you need to. Your friend has planed all of your life now. Which this women does. MY H is flaky. He always has said he is going to do something and never follows through UNLESS someone does it for him. Plus, he has lied to me so badly the last three years I don't believe him if he tells me its getting dark.

Well anyway this turns out its not good time for me. Starting new job and intensive three week training. From reading everything I know the key is me. I have done and applied the DB'ing. It helped me a lot. H is no father anymore. My oldest said only time he comes and talks is about him and his work. Never interested in anything else.

Not a good today and I am really in need of some peace of mind while I have to concentrate on work and having this going on. So does everyone think this is a MLC?

Peaches........

[Smurf_SMR]

Firstly I am so sorry that you find yourself here and in this situation.

Then, your question! Is it MLC?

Does it matter? Does it make any difference? If it is, then what? If it isn't, then what?

The problem is we are looking for answers, which only come in time, with hind sight.

I know, when I first set out on this path, that if it were not MLC, I could possibly turn the situation around. If it were MLC, then I had my answer as to what was happening to me.

Unfortunately with that answer, came the obstacles which impedes our progress, our growth.

We will wait this out, we will give them space, as a phase they are going through they will grow out of it. So for 3 to 5 years, we are doormats and walk on broken glass.

I know you want answers, but with that answer, comes great faith and great strength, and I wish you luck.

[lodo]

Hey peaches,

You're over here now? I was just starting to post to you on newcomers .... Well, I'll probably finish writing that one anyway.

lodo

[Peaches40]

Hi Smurf thanks for the reply. It doesn't matter your right. I find myself in this position and the emotions are the same so what label I want to put on it doesn't matter.

Lodo yes I am here. Took your advice and read a lot on MLC and seems to be the culprit here. He told me he is leaving this week and called me outside to talk. When he said that I just laughed at him and walked away. He yelled at me that I should stop and listen or I won't have a home or a vehicle. It comes with his job you see.
When he stated that I looked at him and said. What is the point of listening to this. It's threats, and lies. You have lied to me and your boys for three years. Now listen to me be a man and get out. You have no license you have no money and no real job. No respect of our kids. So just do what you have to do and no more talk.
Then he started yelling about things and told him. Just like your father. Have to find a young girl and dump your whole family he would be proud of you. Told me normal people wouldn't have acted like this! I was amazed. So, your normal denying we sleep together, telling you love and then in front of this girl you lie? That is normal? Telling lies to you kids for 3 years, denying that your sleeping with her. You know I didn't think so before but, watching interaction of you and her Sunday I know you are. So don't talk to me of normal when your so deep in a fog you don't know what is up or down. The difference is that I am not a lier or a cheat and can hold me head up. So don't lecture me. It's about time you standup and be a man and leave. That is the best thing you could do for your family. As you son says your a degenerate.

Nice conversation wasn't it. Sorry no more loving detachment for me. I don't talk to him nor do I get dinner wash his clothes do one thing for him. I do however act like he isn't there. What is hilarious he no money to leave and no car. Always has been full of crap and still is. So making my plans now since I am not going to live this way. Would be better alone than with this jerk.

Peaches

[yenko69]

I would say that your conversation went well. You still are a good person and do not need to be treated poorly. No matter who it is. I love my W with all my heart, but would not take a whole lot yelling, verbal abuse or lies from her.

Keep your dignity and stay with your own morals and don't get sucked down. No matter what happens or whether your H is with you or not down the road you will always have to face yourself in the mirror.

"Well finally tonight I got the "Moving out" speech. He told me to expect to loose the house and the truck. Don't care what happens to you. My reaction was you do as you feel you need to."

Good job on this. I have said the same thing a couple of times. The only person you can control is yourself so take control. Try to find some relief, still hurts, that he is going to do what he is going to do and you have no control over his decisions.

Make your decision on how you want to live your life. You do have support here, a place to vent and people who care.

Take care

[lodo]

Hey peaches,

I pretty much echo everything yenko wrote.

Man, these people ... They sure can turn justification into an art form!

lodo

[Peaches40]

Yenko and Lodo thanks. They are such idiots. He says to me we need to talk. I look at him and say time for that is over. I have heard lies for three years. Action is what I expect from you. So do as you please.

Really I am so over the talking!!

Plus he is really making me dislike him

Peaches

[Peaches40]

Journaling......

Week has passed since the fallout. There is determination on my part to keep up my GAL and no contentious comments on my part. After last week and telling that girl he has not SLEPT with me at all for a long long time. That was it. He cut out anything that was left. So it isn't that difficult to live with him, be cordial and secure my finances. Making sure the house is safe and secure for my son and no conflict.

Last night I was watching a movie with him and he asked me to do a favor for him. Then he stoped. So I turned and said what kind of favor. He asked me to call this guy to see if he can rent his place to work out of. Not all of the situation is explained here. Just know that h business consists of this girls animal and one other. LIKE I WOULD SECURE A PLACE FOR HER!!! I just sat there and thought-if he thinks I am so dumb as to call this guy and make sure he can move there and have a place for him and her...I must have dumb written all over me. So I said sure. The women where he works out of now won't like what he has done and said to me last weekend, she has been gone. Also her daughter was the one that chewed out the girl and told her to leave.

So H is thinking that either A) this girl is going to be kicked off the place B) he will be kicked out. Either way why the h*ll would I call to make sure they had a place to work together. Seriously to tell me he just appeases me, lies about sleeping together sits down for a D talk. The D is fine by me, just leave. To ask me to call so she and H can have a place to work then see if he can rent his house and then he can leave you/son and not care what happens. Yeah right. I really wanted to just to tell him off and have kept myself under control. Wow he is so passive aggressive. Can't make a call even.

[lodo]

Hi peaches,

Just checking in to see how you are doing. How's the training going? Do you still have another week left or 2? Can't remember your start date.

I'm pretty impressed with your ability to keep yourself on an even keel in the face of mucho bullsh*t.

lodo