No, H doesn't seem ready to leave me. If he were, I think he would have done it already. He's like an icicle to me, though, and I don't know what he's waiting for (he says he's waiting for "a sign" about what he should do--despite having said back in November that he "didn't know if he believed in God any more" and "even if he did, he wasn't sure he cared what God thought"). I'd say he's waiting on finances to permit his moving out, if it weren't for a comment he made during the "bomb" discussion about how he would rather be broke and happy than better off financially but in a miserable situation (and he was referring to the possibility of moving out when he made that comment, so it's not out of context). I also think he's a little embarrassed about what he's up to and about the state of our marriage, although he may not even realize it himself, and that's part of what keeps him putting on his wedding ring and holds him back from moving out--if he moved out, he would actually have to admit to everyone what's going on, although I'm sure he would figure out a way to blame me.
I think my H has a similar situation here. He has threatened to leave, but keeps pulling the money card -- "We can't afford it!" Which is partly true, but then there's the other issue: Our daughter. I know he can't bear to leave her. And I do agree that he would be "embarrassed" to leave, as he hasn't really told anyone about our situation, and with the few people he has told, he has laid the blame entirely on me. He still wears his wedding ring too. It's all a farce, in my opinion, but I do think his current online OW is such a fantasy right now with him that he can't get out of it... I don't think he's dealt with the "reality" of what it would be like to leave his family and be with her (she lives across the country) and he hasn't accepted that at all, in my opinion.
But my H won't even entertain R talk and thinks I'm completely the messed up one. He doesn't even admit that he has any problems at all, because he shows no emotion to me except anger when I have a backslide. It's like he wants me to be cheery and happy and hold it all together so he can feel better about his poor choices. I'm positive that's he's thinking things like "Oh look, she's fine! I can handle this!"
Hang in there Dawn. Call your DB coach and give yourself a boost. I can't see my IC for another week and a half and I'm falling apart because I found dozens of chat transcripts of my H having cybersex and saying "I Love You" to the OW. I can't snoop anymore; it's too damaging to me personally. So I'm not going to do it. Although now my imagination is running wild.
M 39 H 34 D 6 M almost 8 years T 11 years Bomb: 6/5/08
