Alien invasion 3.0

[hoosiermama]

Thanks, naej. I've been doing a lot of "faking it til I make it." I am enjoying some things and acting like I'm enjoying most.

My marriage wasn't great, that's clear. Ultimately no emotional intimacy, and I wonder now just when this MLC began for H. Because he just hasn't been there emotionally for awhile. I had attributed it to external circumstances, then began to defend things in my own mind because of the horribly negative picture H painted as he left. Really, I've been aware of not seeking any emotional support from him for quite awhile. Now I have to separate what I'm seeing through angry glasses and what's been really happening. I know I've been filling up my own emptiness with other things--web surfing, shopping, work. I even knew it at the time, but H was just not available. So I don't want the old marriage back, but I would like to have a shot at a new one. I never got that opportunity because everything else was always more important lately; all I heard was that he pulled out emotionally 3 years ago and has been trying to talk himself into leaving for that long. He might have shared that with me--we could have done some work. But all he wanted to do was blame me for all the problems, because that's easier than looking into himself to see how he's contributed to them. And here we are. It just pisses me off that he's so depressed about leaving--it seems that, since he's been so destructive to D and me, at least he should be happy about his new life! I know that this is part of mlc, but geez--if he's so miserable why doesn't he come back and work it out? Rhetorical question. It's just that the irony is getting to me.