I took a look at this thread, so much that I could only read a few. I'm sorry for being a guy intruding on W-oriented topic. But you were discussing something I haven't been facing up to: my own LD. I'm expecting a lot of negative comments from what I'll say, but I was married for 18 years and the last 5 were completely without sex. There, I've said it. And I know I'm a weirdo. There were so many things that seemed to be going on with me in 2003, I had desire half the time, but I was picking the wrong times and wanted to dive right in. At about that time, my fears of being run out of my federal job by managers who had a personal vendetta against me were full bore because an attempt had been made by them the previous year. And I was starting to have rheumatoid arthritis attacks again. By the next year, my fears about work were calming down somewhat, but I had back problems again and I was gaining weight. Plus, I was still not getting my timing and approach right. The next year, my anger was starting to kick in, along with my selfishness and involvement in other projects. In 2006, it was finances, and renewed fears at work. By 2007, I was giving back to W when I thought she was doing irritating little things to make me angry. I was also feeling something that I now think was depression, based on what my doctor said recently. And I was my lowest in April. The rest of the story is First Month, No Hope for anyone who cares.
Sometimes it seemed like it was hard to love when I was angry. Others, I just felt too worn out to do anything, and that was a lot of the time. I also knew I was fat as a pig, and knew she couldn't possibly like me like that. Sometimes I'd wake up in the midle of the night and get the urge, but I knew that wasn't the right time.
All of you have told me the extent of the damage I've done to my wife, how frustrated, despairing, unwanted, abandoned, and angry she must have felt, to say the least. I'm sorry it had to happen to you. I'm sorry that it may have been worse for her.
Now I'm despairing, because I know there will be no return for her. She has shut off all contact and appeared too self-confident when I last saw her. She may already be in an affair, and I can't blame her. She has to make up for the cruelty she received at my hands. And the worst part is now it's too late for me to try to fix the problem.
Sorry I intruded, but all that you had to say shocked me awake.
