Hey Girl, long read here but well worth the time it took.
You have a lot of great support going on and a lot of people offering you some very sound advice.
I thought I might pop on and give you a little of my take on some of the things I have read here today.
I used to take care of my W when she dropped the bomb. Hell, even when she moved out I p[aid for her apartment, her car note, and had her to dinner every weekend "for the kids".
One thing I learned over a period of time, and you are still very new to this, is that our own insecurities and fears can be our biggest detriment in figuring out what the correct action to take is.
What I mean by this is that to many times we wonder how they will react, what they need, and what might make them happy. When in reality we should be worrying about what we need, how we will feel because of our actions, and what makes us happy.
The three biggest killers:
1. Fear of being alone.
2. Fear of upsetting them.
3. Fear of failure.
Now in my readings here, I think you have incurred all 3 of these. One thing that I learned through my mistakes was that rewarding destructive marital behavior with positive actions is the quickest way to no progress. They use the term having their cake and eating it to around here a lot. You have to stop giving a man, who is not being a husband right now, all of the benefits of having a wife.
You have to make him accountable for his actions by simply improving your inner strength and pride. You have to simply make the decision that you are worth more than he is giving you and you deserve so much better than what you are getting. Take a stance and say enough is enough.
This does not mean see a lawyer, this does not mean file for D, this means stand up and say no. This means if he wants to continue being a schmuck and not being a husband, then no more dinners, no physical anything, and no more acceptance of his actions.
Girl, there comes a point in time where you must stand up and hold your head up high. Look him in the face and tell him that you are a good woman, you are a great wife, and you deserve better than he is giving you right now and will no longer be willing to settle for anything less than what you deserve.
People here tend to focus too much on the other person, it was my downfall.....will it be yours? Or will you decide instead to recognize the incredible value that you have and that even if this doesn't work out, you are going to be great. You deserve happiness, the only one at this point stopping you from having it, is you.
Now get your head up and kick some WAH asssss.......
