I realized when I saw your thread-Kat's right-haven't seen you for a while!!! Is that because things are going good I hope? Post soon if you can and let us know!!! Karen
Hi Kat and Karen, don't worry about me I'm fine. I've been trying to read some of everyones post, H4H, Kat, Karen Sara(starshyne), Whatdidido, happycamper, lwb (I know you moved post lwb), etc. but its difficult to see so many people struggling. Hard to see all the crap everyone here is going through. I'm trying to keep a positive attitude
I'm trying to keep busy, W was going to stop by tonight and go over her demands (what she wants in the D) she told me she had to work so we will do it tomorrrow morning.
W told neighbor that I'm not talking to her, neighbor said "what did you expect" It's true, I'm not talking to W, if she starts in on one of her talks (she is a chatty person), I cut her short and tell her to get to the point. I like talkative people (women) but I cannot stand it from my W anymore, W wants to be all friendly and I'm strictly business at this point.
Neighbor, who sees W when I'm at work says W is having a difficult time with me not talking to her, with giving up the house that we both worked so hard to build into a home. Says W is getting along better with the kids (W even made this comment to me). I don't care, You all know my stand, I'm the worse DBer here because I cannot forgive W for what she did. I can never look at my W again like before, to me she has been.... I don't know the exact word to use: tarnished, blemished, tainted. etc. It's the stubborn German in me, my W crossed a line that there is no turning back from - sorry everyone I'm not a good example for people to follow
I'm not doing much right now, still playing softball, other than that I'm working on the house (finishing bathroom remodeling) working around the house, cleaning, decorating my way and taking care/playing with the kids.
I've got to get the D behind me and work on my anger, before I can fully move on with my life. It should get easier when W isn't around everyday.
I appreciate everyone looking in on me, and I truley wish you all didn't have to go through what you are going through. This experience has been the most painful thing I have ever had to deal with.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
I agree about the pain. I can't fathom how someone could inflict so much emotional pain on someone they love/loved with nary a care all because of their selfish blindness.
But I try really hard not to think about him and what he is doing. It isn't my problem. I have to let this marriage die and be buried so I can move on fully. Who knows I might even have a pretend burial when I am divorced this week just to have it behind me.
I have put so much energy on trying to get him to see, in saving us that I have let so much go. I have been working on me but the house is driving me nuts. I also need to let go of here a bit, because I check it several times during the day to just see what is going on with who, which is fine but I need to come here a little less often.
I am a work in progress.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
W told neighbor that I'm not talking to her, neighbor said "what did you expect" It's true, I'm not talking to W, if she starts in on one of her talks (she is a chatty person), I cut her short and tell her to get to the point. I like talkative people (women) but I cannot stand it from my W anymore, W wants to be all friendly and I'm strictly business at this point.
Glad to hear you're busy and doing ok, Jeff! I think things do get better as time goes on; they are for me and others I've seen around here anyway. Since I've been visiting the Surviving forum, those people are so happy and party people I don't know if I will fit in, but they certainly seem like a happy bunch so gives me hope that things will get better.
About the asking her to get to the point, my H would do stuff like that when we were "happily" married and he was kind of rude about it, I'm sure you aren't but still...it's hard for us talkers to "get to the point" that's kind of part of the fun is digressing and telling all the details you know. But I know how you are feeling I think b/c I can't stand to talk to my H now for a while also. I was getting kind of upset one day, H wanted to have a big convo, and I just said great, just put it in an email and mail me about it, kind of in an upset voice, and rushed out the room. So I think he clearly realized I wasn't being rude by not talking to him but just couldn't/can't at this point. I find email so much easier than talking to them, and also you can just ignore (or try to) stuff that's not related to the kids or business and should cut down on the chats and stuff that you don't need to know. Anyway works for me! Karen
Hey everyone, D settlement talks over, W called this morning and set the time for us to talk, said she had a couple of items written down and asked me about what I had written. I told her I had 8 typed pages (and I did) everything from who gets the kids, babysitters, vacations, holidays, medical, auto insurance, house, custody of the children. Once she heard this, she didn't even bring her list.
I get physical custody of the kids, we share legal custody. She will legally be able to see the kids every other weekend. I get the house (full title) I don't pay any alimony, I get the new 2007 mini-van (Grand Caravan), she gets the 1997 Ford F-150 pick-up, she has to pay for her own auto insurance.
I give up half of my 401K, I don't go after her for child support (she don't have any money anyway) and I pay her medical insurance for 1 year. Thats it, 401K is a good chunk of change for her $88,000, she was legally entitled to about half of this but I wanted to be fair becasue she is giving up title to the house and her half of the equity we have built up would be about $44,000. She said that she considered it fair.
I don't care about the $ I can make more, I have my babies YEAH !!!!!
I had to step away several times, because she started talking about our R telling me she was sorry for hurting me, I told her I don't want to hear that, she said it so many times it doesn't mean anything. She tried to push me on being able to pick up the kids and take them to school and again I would not back down on this issue, I don't want her around here, I don't want to see her everyday good bye good bye, get away from me.
FYI My mom called today, asked how I was doing, she said my MIL called her, I know my MIL is so upset with her daughter and really respects me.
Anyone have any idea how long it will take if L starts paperwork next week ??
I appreciate everyone looking in on me, and I truley wish you all didn't have to go through what you are going through. I'll keep you all in my prayers.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
I am sure it will go faster for you than for me. H never did anywork for it and since I was the one being sued I didn't want to make it happen any faster. Probably should have just got it over with. In Kansas our date was about 3 monthes after he filed and I guess it could have been done that day if anything had been worked out.
I was just fighting a brick wall. hugs Jeff
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey everyone, Sunny and 90 in St Louis the kids and me are off to the pool.
I was going to call W and see if she wanted to take the kids, I have so much work to do around the house. Thought it would give me time to get some stuff done.
I asked the kids on the way home from church, I said do you want your mommy to take you to the pool - I was suprised NO was their answer, so I'm going to take them, I guess housework will have to wait.
Keeping you all in my prayers, Kat, Karen, Puppy, H4H, Sara, lwb, happycamper, whatdidido, and cat, I hope I didn't forget anyone, if I did I'm sorry, there are just too many of us here. I just don't understand sometimes.
I appreciate everyone looking in on me, and I truley wish you all didn't have to go through what you are going through. I'll keep you all in my prayers.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Sorry you're stuck in the office today lwb, thanks for the kind words.
I had to call W to tell her I was going to take the kids, yesterday we left it up in the air who was going possibly both of us
She said she wouldn't go becasue it's uncomfortable us being together, I said yeah very uncomfortable. You and everyone else know my feelings about seeing my W, if I never had to see her again that would be just fine with me.
I was really hoping she wouldn't go, if she wanted to I was going to stay home, meeting W's boss (owner of bar W works at) his W and kids up there. My daughter stayed over at their house last night. They are very nice people.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08 Date I'll forgive W for A = never
Karen
NO was their answer, so I'm going to take them, I guess housework will have to wait.