NikB #27 (still tentatively Piecing)

[NikB]

Thanks ST and jak!

Yes, I'm sure those days are gonna happen sometimes. I just felt like it was starting to be a pattern and it was sucking me down. I'm glad I caught it.

So last night was fun... had a great time at the concert!!

Had a few interesting things happen R wise too. I'm actually not really "proud" of a few things I did but they turned out to be a little positive.

I will caveat this by saying we both drank too much at the concert... not that it's an excuse but well, it's what led to me saying a few things I normally would not. Hey it's one way to share my feelings more right?

So after the concert we walked around awhile (not in driving condition at that point!) - then we were walking to a restaurnt to grab a late dinner. One of H's friends called and invited us to meet them at a place near our house on our way home. He asked what was going on the response was "the guys are getting together to discuss [other friend's] bachelor party." H asked if it was cool if I came too and they said sure, I'd be the only girl but it wasn't a big deal. Then he asked me about it, I said sounded good. Then he asked again who was getting married, and the next thing out of H's mouth was "poor sucker."

Grrr.

I flipped between pissed and sad about 10 times in 2 seconds. I then looked at H and said "Yeah. That's nice." and walked away. He quickly said bye to his friend and came up to me and said he was really sorry, he knew it sounded bad and he didn't mean it to sound that way. He was just kidding around, it's a "guy thing" etc. I thanked him for the apology and didn't push it any further. I know, I know, it's a guy thing and honestly pre-sitch that comment wouldn't have bothered me a bit, I probably would've thought it was funny too. Still hurt a bit though.

So we had dinner and hung out awhile then left and met his friends, first briefly at a bar and then a dance club up the street. I don't recall exactly how this even came up but the place we were at has a beach theme and we were joking about buckets of crabs and of course that led to STD type innuendos (I was out with a bunch of guys remember ). And one of the guys, `for whatever reason, says something about EA/OW's married former boyfriend having crabs. Yuck. These are all coworkers of H's so they know this guy and know that OW was sleeping with him. Everyone felt awful for his wife. I found my mind wandering where it shouldn't have, wondering if the EA ever did become a PA, wondering if these guys were feeling sorry for ME too. I read wayyyy too much into it.

Anyway... I looked right at H (again I plead too much wine!) and said "Oh great. Do I need to get tested now?" H looked taken aback and said "Why, have you been sleeping with [aforementioned guy w/crabs]?" I have no idea why this totally cracked me up but it did, and I busted up laughing. Then I said "Oh gross NO! But I may be sleeping with someone who slept with someone who, well, slept with him." The other guys were laughing about the "oh gross NO" comment and I was at least smart enough to say the rest quietly, so thank goodness they didn't hear it, but H did. He shook his head a bit and I said "sorry, that was a dumb thing to say." We both shook it off - had a lot of fun the rest of the night. Danced til the place closed down! Very fun.

All the way home he was thanking me for the idea to go, thanking me for going, saying he had a great night and kept emphasizing what a good time we had "together." Last time we went to MC (yes a LONG time ago but I still remember this), he told me that he was trying to really focus on our good times together and on telling me when he truly had a great time so that we could build on those things. So, yay!!

When we got home H took a shower and I was checking email. He finished his shower and then came over to me kinda serious. He said "Babe I need to tell you something." I was thinking... oh crap, here it comes, the confirmation I've been dreading.

Then he says "About the crabs thing earlier.... I know you don't believe me. I know why you don't believe me. I don't know if you will believe me now, but I promise you that I have never, ever had sex with someone else while we were married, or in all the years before that when we were dating. Never. I promise you. I know I had friendships that went too far but I have never, ever slept with anyone else all this time."

Then said again "I know you probably don't believe me."

I walked over to him and we gave each other a really big hug - you know those kinda emotional hugs?? And I said "Babe you didn't have to say that but you did. Thank you. I believe you." I cried a little and I swear he teared up too (not that he'd ever let me see it ).

So.. Wow...