This isn't going to be easy, but I think the first step is practicing what you preached up above in spite of the possible hurt it might cause you. Of course we all have limits and you have to decide what your are.
As the LBS, the first action and consistency is in your court...
I think the most effective act of unconditional love so far has been actually agreeing to move forward with a legal S or D. He has already been acting a lot differently since then, far less angry. I am giving up control, which I always had (which includes, in his mind, snooping), and letting him do all the work to make it happen. The plus side is that he and I will have to have a lot of contact and discussions about whatever arrangement we make.
He's already had enthusiastic responses about being friends, when before it was like pulling teeth. He's relieved to be moving to a place where we're not in limbo. He actually texted me 3 hours after we spoke yesterday to apologize about something he did, he hasn't shown that much genuine, un-prompted remorse or seem to give that much thought to my feelings since before the bomb. I was actually flabbergasted.
My plan for tomorrow, and going forward, is to think of him as my brother or really good male friend. My H was always jealous of the genuine happiness and joy I showed around my brothers and male friends, I think because we had so much private pain. I'm going to remind him what I am like without the baggage of our problems. They actually don't exist anymore, because that old relationship is dead. Now he's just a friend I love and am interested in and that I have a lot of fun with.
I need to let him find out on his own if the grass really is greener on the other side. Stay tuned...
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
