You are right things are no different today then they were on July 3rd, I am no closer to my goal if anything a bit further away IMO.
Well, let's put this as gently as I can........
Your opinion is wrong. In fact, just you expressing that opinion tells me exactly where your head is at.
Self doubt is a bitch, it will take everything in your life and turn it upside down. You have to not be afraid to believe my friend.
Quote:
I was shaking cause I was scared of the hurt that it would cause me but I let go and gave the most important thing I could 'me' with no strings attached even though in my mind it would kill me and probably meant nothing to her other than a test, I kept the strings to me. I thought I was man enough to handle it and take it for what it was worth, but I was wrong. It wasn't the act that hurt so much it was her comment of she didn't regret doing it, that's what hurt. I guess God got even for all the 1 night stands I did as a young man, what goes around comes around.
Again, you are trying to figure out why it happened and you have to stop. It happened because it was part of a bigger plan.One that maybe will get you closer to your goal. It is amazing the difference we can make simply by adjusting our attitudes. If we keep things in a positive light, we tend to have better days and good things tend to happen. ie: When you interact with your wife and you are able to simply stay positive and speak from your heart, you get a positive result.
You and I spoke of being manly, of how hard it can be at times to open yourself up and feel. There is a book that my cousin gave me that I am going to recommend to you. If nothing else read the first chapter as it was all it took for me to understand what I needed to do.
The book is called- "Why bad things happen to good people" written by Harold Kushner. Pick it up.........
Brian, you have to decide what direction you want to go, no one else here or anywhere else can tell you what to do or how to feel. That is the one thing that we have control over, so you have to pick yourself up and find the strength to change your direction. It's as simple as that......
Who the heck am I kidding, things changed after ML on the 4th, W a day after that went dark and has been that way since. Her telling me that she wanted me to reach out more was a farse IMO if that was what she truly wanted I would think she would be more receiptive. I think the 4th was to be goodbye sex and it screwed with her mind, hell it screwed with mine, she might have felt something she wasn't expecting or didn't want to ever feel again. She is back to treating me exactly like she did before she moved out, I am invisible. So I ask myself, go dark stay dark or continue to get the door slammed shut in my face hum....
I'm not asking for the world here but a bone would be nice even though I know it won't get thrown, something, anything my mind is getting tired of being played with I believe it was easier dealing with the out right anger than this. Kinda reminds me of a prisoner on death row, walking that walk sitting in the chair and then all of a sudden the phone rings and you get a stay, then it's back to the cell. Where the hell is the key I need to let myself out...
Was going to contact W tonight but something in my pea brain says no that wouldn't be a good thing, having trouble swallowing the attitude. What are you waiting for you have seen the changes you acknowledge the changes but still not sure of them okay more work is needed I like myself now why don't you...
Okay dummy you yourself have said it took years to get here it ain't gonna happen anytime soon yes I know that she knows that, but there comes a point when a decision needs to be made to act or not act limbo is a dance not a life to live...
Hey DAM, you are beginning to backslide on your self what gives??? ML really screwed with you didn't it, yeah it did I saw her eyes they didn't lie, yet the opposite is happening it wasn't suppose to go that direction...
Brian you have to let go, get back to where you were before the 4th put your mind at ease you can't change it you know that are you going to allow 1 night to mess up what has taken months to achieve is 1 night worth all of that... You were moving forward before that night, you were being the you that you wanted to be that is why she came... Thanks for lettin me rant and rave it helped to a point...
'do work'
Brian
Brian, honey, sweetie...go back and read this post of yours. You answered all your own questions.
I can put myself in your wife's shoes and understand that she may be just as freaked out/nervous/confused or whaterver as you are. You DON'T know what she is thinking, SHE doesn't know what YOU are thinking - stop trying to mind read...
go back and read all the bits I've put in bold...they resonate with me and I think you need to look at them again if you are still feeling the way you have been today.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
When you try to guess what others think then we are rarely right.
Purple is right. Read your own words and dont doubt yourself. With the help of you and others I am beginning to come to terms with patience, compassion and the long game ahead.
You are in charge of you.
Saw an episode of Malcolm in the Middle last night and at the moment as I try to be strong and independent of my waw the theme tune always makes me smile. "Your not the boss of me now, your not the boss of me now...."
Sticks in my head and in a childish way makes me feel better.
Disregard if this sounds a bit crap but works for me at the moment.
Kenny
Me:40 WAW, MLC?:39 Kids:S11,S9 T:25, M:14 ILYB:Apr 08 W moved out Aug 08 W:Does not Want to Try
good point by Kenny aboce. I realised recently how much I love music. I used to listen to loads, but have not for a long time. So tomorrow i'm gonna buy a nice new MP3 player and load it up with music. I love the words, the poetry and meaning in songs (so there will be no Fast Food Rockers etc !!!)
1st thank you all for showing me the way back to calm, kinda lost it for a day or so, all of your words gave me comfort and saneness. As you all know assumption is my WORST problem that I work on everyday somedays are better than others, friday was not a good day. I let too many things pile up on me and had a melt down, better here than on the phone to W.
Abit of background real quick, with W leaving I knew it was only a matter of time before I couldn't afford the house. Well friday the realization hit me in the face I called the bank and with W not living here they would only take into account my income, well mine is not enough to warrant a forebearance therefore the security is not there and they can't do a thing for me to hold onto the house. On top of knowing I haven't been able to make a CC payment in about 6 months I have put all my money towards the mortgage. So with that and W being dark & then D17's comment I lost it and went MIA.
Okay, this morning I went to the post office to pick up the letter, well in 1 way it was good and in 1 way it was bad. The good it was not divorce papers, the bad 1 of the Creditors is suing us for the outstanding balance and have 30 days to respond or they will continue litigation. Well gang I blew through my savings having to pay for everyhing for the last 9 months since W had made the decision to save all of 'her' money so that she could move out. Plain and simple I ain't got it let alone next months mortgage pymnt. I am sure there will be more now coming in the mail. Can't wait to make this phone call to W ought to go over real well.
So that's why I lost it, thank-you my friends for grounding me again with your assessments and kind words.
Mike thanks again for taking time out of your day with your family and D to check up on me...
I lost my family home (my grandpa's house from when I was young) to foreclosure.
I incurred ridiculous debts.
I went from a six figure income to about half of that so I could be with my kids more while still having the same bills.
I got the certified letter from a creditor that scared the crap out of me.
I filed for bankruptcy a month ago because it was all too much.
My point..... don't think we won't understand or know where your at buddy. Hell, most of us on here deal with teh financial destruction of our lives along with the personal loss. It is normal and hard as hell to deal with alone. Use your people buddy......
Mike thanks again for taking time out of your day with your family and D to check up on me...
I believe I made a promise months ago. I would be with you to the end. My phone is on always. You have my emails both work and home. You have my work number.
I make a promise I keep it. I'm like that "old yellow lab" on the front porch Brian, I'm always there eating your food, crapping in your yard, never causing problems..LOL..I'm your friend for life man..
